Why The Melted Crayon?



A spared soul, going forth on faith; to share the trials, the tests, the mistakes, the words and revelations as a testimony of the Holy Spirit continuously at work in my life.




Why The Melted Crayon?

Formed from the clay of the earth, I was hardened, broken, nameless and coarse mixed within a box of other broken crayons in a fallen world.  Desperately I cried inside, wanting to be used to color amongst God’s creations again.  I wanted to be used by the hand of the Artist to take my part in the beautiful story He was creating.


From my brokenness, I cried out, and He answered. He picked me up and placed me within the furnace of His love, took all of the broken pieces of my colorful past, removed the impurities, and made me a new vessel.  I was spared, redeemed, revealed and made new.

Now everyday is a new adventure of creative expression within the hand of the Master. Somedays He places me in His living water to refresh me, purify me, cleanse me and fill me.  Other days the Spirit feeds me heavenly bread teaching, strengthening and preparing me for my part in His beautiful story.

And…then there are the days that the Artist picks the palette of colorful gifts He’s prepared within me and places them upon His canvas, to be a part of the beautiful story He’s painting.


Nikki C. Ellison,


themeltedcrayon, 05/2016


Full Definition of  MELT/MELTED:

intransitive verb

1:  to become altered from a solid to a liquid state usually by heat

2: a  dissolve, disintegrate <the sugar melted in the coffee>

    b  to disappear as if by dissolving <her anger melted at his kind words>

3: obsolete;  to become subdued or crushed (as by sorrow)

4:  to become mild, tender, or gentle

5:  to lose outline or distinctness :  blend

transitive verb

1:  to reduce from a solid to a liquid state usually by heat

2:  to cause to disappear or disperse

3:   to make tender or gentle  :soften


  1. the action or process of melting or the period during which it occurs <the spring melt> ;the condition of being melted.

  2.  the mass melted at a single operation or the quantity melted during a specified     period

  3.  material in the molten state

Word Origin and History for melt

Verb:  Old English meltan “become liquid, consume by fire, burn up”


Full Definition of Crayon:


  1.   a stick of white or colored chalk or of colored wax used for writing or drawing

  2.   a crayon drawing


  1. to draw or colour with crayons

Word Origin and History for crayon  1640s, from French crayon “pencil” (16c.), originally “chalk pencil,” from craie “chalk,” from Latin creta “chalk, pipe-clay,” of unknown origin.




“This present age is so flippant that if a man loves the Savior he is styled a fanatic, and if he hates the powers of evil he is named a bigot.”  Charles H. Spurgeon


To the present age and to the world’s ambivalent standards, I guess I’m both.

In today’s atmosphere of an ever-changing, progressive set of “morals” and redefining of our laws, social behaviors, practices and ceremonies with a conjectured obligatory acceptance of them; the chasm of differing interpretations of what is defined as “love” and “hate”, “good and “evil” expands; and those sitting on the bridge in the middle of this breach, are at some point,  no longer going to have the luxury of living in ambiguity.  As the swell of mounting pressure derived from the corrupt seed planted in the hearts of fallen mankind, approaches climax, you realize you are either going to catch a ride on the wave of “progress”, or you’re going to have the will to get off the broad way, walk the narrow path and lay down the things of “this” world and wear the labels the world wants to give you.

So I’ll wear the labels.  


John 15:18-19  “If the world hates you [and it does], know that it has hated Me before it hated you. 19 If you belonged to the world, the world would love [you as] its own and would treat you with affection. But you are not of the world [you no longer belong to it], but I have chosen you out of the world. And because of this the world hates you.


Why not just keep scrolling past all of the social opinions, rants and chatter about the incidental issues planted to keep us divided?  Why not just accept that there are issues and opinions that differ with my beliefs and convictions, and just accept that there is a whole world of varied beliefs and lifestyles?  Why not just listen to my friends through social media who tell me and everyone who disagrees with them on the hottest social issue debate to “just delete me, if ‘this’ is the way you feel, because we obviously can’t be friends”?  Why does my soul anguish in despair as I see people I love, being bullies, being fickle and really not knowing how to communicate with the other side without using one scripture about judging taken out of context, from a “book” they claim they don’t believe in; yet don’t want to consider all the Word in return?  Why should I even care about what the opinions on any matter of social debate are anyway,  when most of what we’re reading that seems to have any meat to it, has been shared or copy and pasted anyway, and any legitimate questions for civil discussion you may have about the views expressed are mute; due to the fact that your friend that threatens your friendship if you don’t agree with said posting, didn’t write it in the first place?  They didn’t spend hours on end considering and researching, praying and soul searching, wrestling and seeking with the conviction and cathartic process that such substance entails; but rather out of a fleeting moment of validation for their emotional boo-boos, and the acceptance of their proverbial status quo; quickly cut, copied, pasted and posted without a second thought of just where that boomerang would fly.  Why, in the moments when I read the lies being poured from the bottle of “YOLO” deception held by the hand of the Deceiver himself, do I want to scream their name with fervor from the rooftops?  “Hey, come see from this vantage point, the foxes are in your vineyard”, or in a metaphor more comparable to this Information Age…”The hackers are in your Facebook account”.


Because, if I just keep scrolling, then I would have to deny the questions of why I keep feeling discouraged when I look at the church as a whole, and how it has been split, and split again into so many different denominations over religious notions, traditions, interpretations, doctrines, pride, power seeking, and greed; not to mention, the blatant verbal disdain towards your denomination if it is different than someone else’s? That no one really knows, or seeks the Truth for themselves anymore?  

Why did I not just give up the moment I started seeking the TRUTH through dependence on the Holy Spirit, and my Bible, when my eyes were opened to the harsh reality that we put our faith in, worship and exalt, just about everything but The God of all creation?  How hardly anyone knows, or at least lives by the Word anymore?  How, with all of the television preachers  who have sold their books at the end of every broadcast, and on every Wal-mart shelf, covering every “biblical” topic and “spirit”, convinced us, that it would be a more easily digestible version than reading the Word ourselves;  and how did the religious spirits that those same books teach about, have the church more focused on competing with the world in entertainment, and drawing people in, rather than relying on the flow of the anointing through the Holy Spirit?  How did confusion hit the body of Christ in such a way, that our beliefs could be manipulated, like dust being swept about by the oscillating breeze over an ever changing church agenda, and focus?  Why was there a vacillating belief on what “authentic” worship looks like, as compared to “inauthentic emotionalism”, as if they can see the hearts of men as they praise in awe and wonder in a moment of true deliverance?  Why is it that I’ve heard more sermons preached by men of God who contradict each other so much so, that a bombardment of doubts are piled atop the confusion, caused by the jabs as to which delivery method of the Word is the most effective, and Biblically sound?  How can one navigate the expectations of what your “salt and light” should look like, when no one wants you to talk about, or to hear about the salt anymore; and the light burning from the church feels like an artificial bulb?  How do you know if your worship playlist is not really full of groups that are constantly being attacked by some “Christian” magazine  “about the singers being sold out to secularism”, mixed within arguments on how the church has started to “worship, worship”; just when God used an anointed song in personal worship to redeem your joy?  How come works don’t get me to heaven, but if I don’t work the nursery, legalism shows her face, comparing all her works and sacrifices as compared to what she thinks others don’t do?  How come she doesn’t just try to get to know me first and she might see that I have served in a capacity larger than she can imagine at the death of hundreds of hospice patients in the “church” outside these four walls and that my soul is thirsty to sit in a pew after working weekends for FAR too many years to count?  Why has legalism continued to keep the church, especially women, in bondage and they have not yet grasped ahold of the grace that comes from the finished work on the cross (Romans 8:1-13) so that no man can boast.(Eph.2:9)?  How did the church get so focused on creating revival as an “experience” that it has a set date and time, invited in evangelists from out of town, with tons of advertisement to draw crowds, that they miss the opportunity for truly teaching on the regeneration of “new breath” to revive them in the Spirit daily?  How do so many of the Christians seem to have knowledge of the Word, but lack the faith of operating in the full Power of the whole Word?  Why does it seem that so many are cherry picking scriptures they want to live by,  and have decided for themselves what are outdated “letters” claiming “those ideals have died”, as if the Word of God is not living and breathing(John 1:1)?  Why not just throw my hands up at the daunting task of realizing that for every doctrine of belief out there for those who search for Truth, there exists a counter doctrine of belief within the name of a group called “Christians” of what should be a united people, the body of Christ?   How can we as Christians even begin to choose one biblical truth to defend when the barometer at the churchyard is broken?  

How do you in the Spirit of Truth and Love, as so loosely defined by today’s ultra-sensitive society, prepare and plow the ground of men’s hardened hearts to the gospel to plant “good seed”, when the church admonishes any talk of hell, preaching nothing but grace and that we should all walk in love, as if the perverted “love” of today’s society where everyone hashtags #LOVEWINS on every lifestyle, hasn’t infiltrated the church with its expected tolerance not to “offend” anyone in their sin?  How do we truly “go and make disciples” when everyone’s love is accepted, except the truth spoken in love of a follower of the Word?  How do we even begin discussions when there are so many “christians” who use social hot topics to launch name calling and playground bullying, with methods of verbal attacks that don’t align with a scripture from the Book they just wiped the dust off, to persecute someone else with?  How in truth and love do you tell the “body of christ” that if it wants to set the standard, it needs to start living the standard as the example first?  How do you nicely inform them that the wolves are already in the pews and pulpits and that the mockers and the scoffers are out on the churchyard throwing stones at your glass house by calling out the paradox of your arguments, of which they point out, are blossoming right out of the weed in your garden calling itself a rose?  How do we as one body unite, as the forces of evil that have raped, ravaged and robbed God’s creation in every sense of the word, give the world front row seats to see just how very divided and confused we really are?  How do we explain that Truth is Love and Love is not Hate, when the lines are so blurred within our own lives and churches?  How do I spread the good news of Love with the Truth, no matter what lie the lord of the fallen world has soothed their flesh with, when so many have been flesh wounded at the church?  

How do we really teach those we are evangelizing to that “no weapon formed against me shall prosper” and to “take every thought captive”, when the church doesn’t preach and teach about being armed with the spiritual armor for spiritual warfare against the “principalities, powers and darkness” of Ephesians 6:12-20, and tearing down the strongholds of 2 Corinthians 10:3-6?  How do we discuss with them that Satan has hated God so much, that he has deceived God’s creation through attacks and manipulations to hide the TRUTH in every possible way, even through the churches and those who sit within them?  How do you keep any audience captive these days, to explain how from the seven days of beautiful creation in Genesis, to the creation of Adam and Eve as ONE flesh with ONE TRIUNE GOD, to the miracle of procreation between man, and woman to multiply the earth with God’s miraculous molecular collision of two strands of DNA becoming ONE flesh yet again, to the attacks on the battlefield of our minds; that Satan’s agenda has always been after, and to kill GOD’s creation?  How do we teach this attack on creation and our defense of it,  while trying to discuss the correlation of the hot topic social issues when we fear persecution, business loss, job loss, condemnation and alienation from every direction, for just trying to have discussions, live our lives and run our businesses aligned with our faith?  How, if we can’t even have civil dialogue with those who refuse to hear us, do we tell an evolutionist or an astronomer, that the sciences he used to try to disprove that God existed are indeed creations of the Creator, and “There is no wisdom, no insight, no plan that can succeed against the Lord” (Proverbs 21:30), or explain to them the mysteries used by God as in 1 Corinthians 1:27-29, “But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him”?  How do you persuade them to look once again through the lens of that telescope or microscope, and convince him he’ll see the clues he’s ignored, if he would look into his own heart, and search for Truth through the eyes of faith, and a renewed mind through Christ?  How do we convince our son that we still love him, but that we do not support his lifestyle choice, and that we’ll fight on our knees in prayer making our requests known to God for his deliverance from the evil principalities whispering lies to him, about his choice to be slave to his fleshly desires of homosexuality?  How do you convince a liberal, agenda pushing, feminist that abortion is not a “right”, and that it’s murder of God’s creation of life, and that they have tread on on the “fields of the (58 million) Fatherless”?  How do we show them that Satan will stop at nothing to try and disprove, take away and abort God’s creation?     

But, the discussion can’t stop here.  

How in this age of Information and Technology do we also address and acknowledge that Satan has waged war against all of us?  How do you convince even those who sit idly by, living their ideal life online, sitting on their pretty, white picket fence, holding hands with everybody through tolerance?  How do we in the spirit of love through truth, tell Mommy to quit taking selfies with her daughters, teaching them to duck face, and posting those selfies for self esteem boosters on social media everyday?  How do we have the discussion that you aren’t being a good steward with the children God gave you when you’ll  hand over your phone to keep your kids quiet everywhere you go; meanwhile, that sexual perversion you don’t want your child exposed to through that bathroom policy that you just posted a rant on social media about an hour ago, just molested your child’s mind with pornography on Mommy’s favorite app-Pinterest?  How do we have discussions with our teenage sons to respect the modesty of a woman, to abstain from sexual activity, and treasure the gift of virginity, and purity for the marriage bed when pornography is chasing them down everywhere they turn and can be accessed through their Xbox, Playstations, tablets, smartphones, and even Nintendo DSi?  How do we encourage our daughters that faith, purity, and virtue are precious pearls, and spiritual holiness is #REALGOALS these days; when Instagram, and SnapChat has become a visual playground of idolatry, feeding into the insecurity of the woman’s fallen nature that her self-worth hinges on how a man sees, rates, flatters, and defines what is worthy; built on distorted vanity, popularity, and fame, and not that God considers her more precious than rubies, and sees the unfading beauty of her spirit?  How do we tell Daddy that you can’t live double-minded playing your family role with the wifey, and kids during the week, and then doing your “thang” with the boys at the stripclubs, and bars on the weekends, living like a boy who never grew up?  How in a world of Ashley-Madison, Sugar-Daddy, 50 Shades of Grey and our obsession with every form of fantasy, escapism and sexual perversion can we sit around and wonder how is it that our country has the greatest number of women sold into the sex slave industry and Americans are pumping out more than half of the pornography world-wide?  How do you post on Facebook a meme of how your childhood consisted of catching fireflies, playing outside until dark and drinking from the water-hose, and yet condemn your kids for being in front of the television all the time, as you push them out of your LaZy-Boy, to plop yourself down to get your “fix” in front of the “OPIATE of the MASSES”, the good ol’ boys of the NFL, MLB, NHL, NBA and the knights of the round table of ESPN on one of the 5 televisions in your home?  How do we self-righteously sit in God’s seat of judgement throwing back that legal drug of a 12 pack of beer every weekend night, yet between those Budweisers, condemn our loved one who’s being Chased by the Heroin Dragon?  How do we complain about the hate other countries have for us, when all you have to do is drive down the road in rush hour traffic, and the foul language and demonic stares flying out the windows would mow people down like the bullets flying out of an AK-47?

But if I just keep scrolling, and keep my mouth shut about the social-moral issues, the confusion in the church, and the paradox of family values, I also have to ignore so many other burning questions of mine.

How do we encourage our kids to go to college and get a “good education” when we know that the school system has been hijacked with the “Common Core”, pushed by socialists Bill and Melinda Gates for the restructuring of society with their radical political ideology of the 1960’s Weather Underground, who pushed their support of eugenics, and knowing that this is all tied to the propaganda of the “Global Economy” of Agenda 21?  How do we continue sending them to (our tax money funded) “public school system”, knowing that they’re being indoctrinated from kindergarten to the University, through this sinister evil planted to gain control through psychological conditioning, just to get them to start life off as a conforming, robotic slave indebted to huge student loans, entering the workforce making barely enough to just pay their bills, and their taxes, with no cost of living raises for more than a decade, be convinced they’re living in freedom of pursuing the “American Dream”, while becoming enslaved to work 50-70 hours a week, and being pushed harder and harder by the slave master of government “regulations” imposed on the companies they work for who now expect more for less(because let’s not cut the CEO’s bonus), all while trying to navigate their lives through a government network of over-regulated systems bought by the money of the global elite in the good ol’ boys gang, of the Federal Reserve, The Rothschilds, Goldman Sachs, JPMorgan Chase, IMF and The World Bank?  How do we look our children in the face with any degree of encouragement, knowing that at the end of their 40 years of bondage to greedy banking, greedy government, and greedy corporate America where the rich get richer and the poor are kept poorer; that the only sure thing they can bet on is a myriad of health issues resulting from GMOs, artificial preservatives, unrelenting trickle down job stress and years of attempting to climb a ladder to nowhere; that they’ll be spending any check in retirement on medications that’s keeping them asleep?  How can we teach them the value of a dollar and saving when our dollar has lost its value, because of the squandering of their futures by big government, who have placed them and their future generations in debt so deep that they will be forced to live in a cashless society; while you can tell them with 100% assurance that their social security will not ever be there for them in the future, and don’t even trust that the government won’t rob their retirement investments to bail out their buddies at the elite banks who funded their campaigns?  How do we still let our government send our young men off to fight wars that are all a manipulation game played on the masses by a Global Agenda for a One World Government, with the illusion we’re fighting over human rights, policing the world against terrorism and preserving freedom; when the power, money and government systems are working together in the United Nations to orchestrate collapses through Hegelian Dialectic of “creating a CRISIS, using the media to ensue a REACTION by a public outcry, that runs to government demanding a SOLUTION”, and while the public is distracted by arguments that do not result in any resolution except increased division, that feeds their original agenda of a one world government, through the repeated cycle of mind control tactics to gain more power through the public’s demanded solutions?  How our soldiers who are serving, are being sold a lie that their government will live up to their contract of VA care and GI bills, only to come back confused by having to fight the same government they sacrificed their lives for, to obtain benefits they were promised and that they deserve?  How do we continue to run to the “big brother” government and demand retraction of laws prohibiting someone’s right to take a substance(legalized marijuana) into their body, yet forces vaccines on all healthcare workers, children and the elderly?  How in these days of “government’s concern over the health of Americans”, is the FDA regulated “Big Pharma” pharmaceutical companies, continuing to overmedicate us through polypharmacology; the USDA regulated and Monsanto monopolized food industry, has inundated us with estradiols, growth hormones and synthetic ingredients with such complex molecular structures, that our bodies can’t even break them down), and that the USDA has also allowed scientists to play “gods” through genetically modifying our foods and seeds altering them in such a way to disfigure and destroy God’s creation of regeneration, all while paying our tax dollars to farmers throughout the country, to NOT farm their land, to purposely create food shortages?  How is it knowing all of this, is it that we are a nation full of “medical syndromes”  without a “known cause”, and most of them being medicated with antidepressants, mood stabilizers, anticonvulsants and antiepileptics because “it’s in your head, related to stress, yada, yada, yada”?  Why isn’t somebody telling us the “truth” about the parallels of government’s hand in fluoridated water, federal school lunch programs, forced vaccines and controlling of all “real food” supply, while we’re continuing to see increases in all the syndromes related to the “created” chemical imbalances of the endocrine and neurotransmitter messengers within the body, or manifestations of autoimmunity?  Shouldn’t anyone else be questioning if the government truly had our best interests in mind through contaminated fluoridated water, vaccines being enforced through the public school system and then pushed by the legal “drug dealers” like the newest “heroin for the healthy” in the healthcare system of which they now own, and a slowly growing insatiable appetite for more control of our human rights and bodies?  How people who have the eyes to see, and ears to hear, are berated through the bought media, to look like a bunch of prepping, redneck, patriotic, evangelistic constitutionalists to distract, and turn the attention off of the questions of why FEMA and the CDC have hundreds of thousands of disposable coffins on properties all throughout the United States?  How do we let them paint the second amendment like something that needs to be repealed, as if gun ownership has propagated as many deaths as our government has through created wars and abortions?  How come they always avoid the questions being raised about the same crisis actors seen on the scenes of various mass shootings which are created distractions to test the public’s response to gun control, and plant tragedies in the media to avoid, and distract from answering evidence backed questions surrounding 9/11; and yet again, avoid answering the looming questions being asked by Donald Rumsfeld on 9/10 as he declared war on the “Pentagon bureaucracy” in an investigation to find out what happened to the 2.3 Trillion dollars of unaccounted for monies in military spending by the Department of Defense?  If we don’t want to consider that our government would actually conspire to do horrific things like these, then why don’t we just stick our heads back into the sand, and go to sleep as they continue to pass executive orders in the name of Homeland Security that slowly whittle away our human and civil rights?   

The questions must then continue if we address all of those, because learning from history we should start looking at the future.

How in this advanced Information Age of technology, instant downloads and uploads, faster than lightening internet speeds, smart phones, smart cars, smart watches, biometrics, teller-less banks and self serve fast-food counters, will we get before we realize that Satan is after our ability to create?  How is it that through the technological advances turning up, and over at a breakneck pace, and everything being at our fingertips, the ability to think is being handed over to technological gadgets, instead of technological vocational skills?  When do we start to realize we have pushed God out of our lives, because when we need answers, it’s easier to turn to Google?  That we have a group of scientists near Geneva, Switzerland who created the world wide web in which we are all entangled and dependent upon, who are now colliding particles at near the speed of light, trying to probe the fundamental structure of the universe and create anti-matter all with the Hindu god of destruction standing right out front?  How do we continue to have a conversation with those who reject or rebel against God when the world has tempted them with every ability to think themselves their own god through expected inventions of humanoid robotics, and technological advances towards transhumanism with the ability of telepathy, superhuman abilities, artificial-intelligence, and virtual realities?  How we are being pushed into a thought process that “no matter what religion you are, we are all serving the same ‘god’, and going to the ‘same place’”, with this New Age idea which plays into fallen desires of the flesh of “make your own rules, be your own god, and everybody lives in peace”.  When, and at what point they wonder, will we “christians” just sit down and finally give up on trying to speak of the TRUE work and LOVE of God?

When and how do we unite as one creation, created by one Holy and Sovereign God, being manipulated by one evil who is maneuvering to put us under one “worldly” rule, offering everything that our flesh desires, and the temptations to what the flesh wants, aren’t being denied?

How do you convince this people of every group that there IS coming a day where this will all fall into place, without being accused of fearmongering by people unprepared to discuss our morality?

How do you get a message of unity rather than division, to a multi-generational culture who have all endured attacks by the enemy of our soul to damage them, to push them into rebellion against God and right onto the road to Hell, while he uses them for his lawlessness?

How do you get on your soapbox about a girl seen stomping on an American flag, when one generation burned them as American soldiers returned from Vietnam to their own country who had rejected them, and instead of rejecting the government who had drafted these young men, forcing them to go fight this war with Russia on the land of another country?  

How do we have discussions about race/racism, social class divisions, varied cultures, gun ownership and safety, immigration issues and reform and drug wars funded with no dent in the actual problem, when every one of those issues are being manipulated by the puppet masters who keep the strings pulled to use these same issues, to keep us divided and distracted through Hegelian Dialectic; all the while our money is being hijacked, our country is being sold through the debt we owe to a communist country, we give away our backbone and call it social and religious tolerance, because we have a president who fears to call Radical Islamic Terrorism, Radical Islamic Terrorism?  

How do we have a government that continues to spend thousands of dollars on judicial process hearings on our elected public officials, yet they not only get out of serving criminal charges, but get to remain in office?  How do I teach my kids the value of a dollar when our money still says in God we trust, yet they can’t say their pledge with God in it anymore, they can’t pray to God at school anymore and those who have rejected God by their own will of rebellion to His Sovereignty, are trying to take God out of everything from television to the church?  

How do we continue to allow our globally owned, agenda minded media, push the envelope of forced acceptance of new lifestyles by every person in Hollywood jumping on the bandwagon to use their fame as a platform to defend the sins of a fallen mankind or better yet, the celebrities, who in order to avoid criminal or civil charges due to their rebellious, “god” lifestyle, does a very public conversion to “christianity” all the while their followers continue to idolize them and elevate them as some kind of god instead of the spared lost soul that we all are, using our beliefs twisted in a way to lead them astray without even knowing it?  

How do we allow a socialist agenda trying to destroy the definition of family through procreation, and the very vocal LGBTQ(feminist backed) community who couldn’t have their “adoptive” families if it weren’t for a man and woman doing what was designed by our Creator to do; infiltrate our school systems that now forces teachers to teach OUR children at preschool that they can be their own self-god by choosing their own gender regardless of their DNA?  


If you’ve ever raised a child other than those fur babies you celebrate motherhood by on mother’s day, you would know that being a responsible parent raising preschool age children comes with very limited, simplified choices like juice or milk with lunch; you can’t give them the choice of something unnatural and biologically determined anyway, like choosing their gender, and furthermore, why would you even want to plant that psychological abuse in their head anyway?  

Why are we not outraged as a country?  

Have we seriously allowed a SMALL minority to use their loud mouths and their agenda through name calling and taking our scriptures out of context to call us haters and bigots because their reprobate minds do not want to hear the Truth or are we so enveloped in our own sin and self-god, that we have no light to shine upon these topics for fear of the dark secrets of our own lives being revealed?  

Why not leave them to their debased minds and their meaningless, name calling labels, in their fight for public acceptance of their sin, using their warped thinking that TRUTH is not LOVE, when in fact TRUTH in LOVE has been washed out of the minds of Americans for more than a generation so much so, that no one recognizes neither TRUTH nor LOVE anymore?  

How do we unite when we’re so sedated by the spoon fed indoctrination and fear of losing our friends, our jobs and being labeled, that we can’t even see or discern what is so clearly happening in front of us?  

Why not just keep scrolling when the problems seem to mount with greater division and confusion to the masses with no visible end in site?

Why should I continue when the few readers I had, have probably stopped reading at this point, convinced I am self-righteous, confused, unqualified and a fanatical, bigoted psychiatric patient?     

Because it’s been clear to me for years and I honestly thought everyone else saw it too, but the more people I talk to, the more I realize they don’t educate themselves outside of mainstream media news, reality television, social media and their “me” life.  It appears that no one seems to notice that social issues and hot topic button, heated conversation issues are always planted and used to distract and divide us, and people play right into the hand that bites them every time.  



Quit getting distracted by social arguments, blogs, and celebrity and corporate platforms taking a stand against something that is just being planted to create division on issues from race, cultural differences, social class, lifestyle, beliefs, stereotypes, politics, old flags, demolished systems of oppressions from years gone by and the “hottest” trending topics like the new Beyonce album, Prince’s death, the Kardashians and a month long celebration of a monarch’s birthday, while more of your civil and human rights are being signed away, giving more executive power to the government; which usually happens on a Friday afternoon when America is too busy going to that Sport’s Bar to get that drink after the long, hard hours put in of the 50+ hour work week.    

How do I convince you that this isn’t just about trying to prove who the Creator is, because I just have to tell you about His blood poured out and the story of how He spared me, and the Holy Spirit does the rest, giving you the will to rebel against or the will to live surrendered to your Creator?  

If you’re reading this and feeling convicted about things in your life, don’t think this is about judging anyone because this is as much about me as it is about anyone else.  Conviction comes from the Holy Spirit in an effort to get you to turn from your sinful life and it isn’t my place to judge you, but to love you (Mark 12:30-31).  God’s Love is perfect and human “love” is VERY flawed, so that is why so many people accuse you of judging when trying to discuss the downfall of humanity from a place of love and compassion for your fellow mankind.  Believe it or not, I love you, if you’re living in a life of sexual immorality with fornication, adultery, homosexuality, bisexuality, or are confused about your gender identity, but I LOVE you enough to share with you the TRUTH and LOVE that saved me from my perverted life.  If you advocate abortion, had an abortion, funded abortion, performed abortions, considered an abortion or sit on the fence of pro-choice, I love you too, but I also love you enough to share the TRUTH of how LOVE saved me from my double-minded thinking.  If you, like I did, realize that our lives are so full of IDOL WORSHIP and your eyes become open to the stranglehold that we have allowed technology to have over our homes and children, and how this “social global agenda” has slowly and methodically used television to reshape our values in the name of “progress”, opening the gateways for a sinister minority with Luciferian ties to steal the future from the children, the remnant generation; I love you too and you know what I love them too.  I love you all enough to share the TRUTH of how LOVE, removed my blinders and gave me the eyes to see and the ears to hear.  

I use the examples of homosexuality, abortion and technology, not because I am picking on particular groups of people, for we ALL sin and fall short of anything close to perfection on our own, but I use these examples because they revolve around God’s creation.  Satan is after GOD’S CREATION.  He doesn’t have the ability to create, so he must wage war on God’s creation, convincing them to fall through various manipulations of spirits and temptations of the flesh(self, ego) and then using the fall to mock GOD’S COVENANTS and creations through perverting the truth.  Homosexuality kills the ability to proCREATE the earth, abortion kills the CREATION and technology kills the CREATION of ideas and CREATIVITY of the mind.  His favorite battleground is your mind.  If he can keep you bound by condemning you with your past or even how you’re living presently, through emotional pain or physical abuse, balled up in fear and anxiety, oppressed through generational curses carrying the spirits of poverty, addiction, or perversion and using his newer weapons of keeping you medicated and sedated on pornography, social media, and locked into some form of hypnosis through your eyegates, and brainwashed with repeated trigger words through your ear-gates; then he is killing your ability to create.  Everybody wonders why little kids don’t have imaginations anymore…and yet they can’t see that he’s using mass hypnosis through technology to keep them from using their hands and minds to be innovative.  He has used an abortion agenda planted on the backs of “women’s rights” to kill 58 million (just in America alone) human creations and then has sold you the lie that it’s not a real life until it is viable outside of the mother’s body, yet that baby has a beating heart before most even know they’re pregnant.  He then perverts your mind into accepting this as a “choice and a right” and so you keep your mouth shut, but don’t don’t you ever wonder why those same people who fight so hard for the right to kill babies are the same people who will fight tenaciously over the rights of animals.  Does anyone else see the paradox in any of this the way that I do?.  He is after creation’s future, can’t you see?  He is trying to depopulate the world of God’s creations by planting fear that our Creator can’t provide enough resources to sustain us; using the wickedness planted within the minds and hearts of men to operate his schemes of eugenics through the same Hegelian Dialectic methods that all the arguments on hot topic social issues are run by, thus keeping us distracted, divided and debating.  The great tragedy of it all, is the that he sits back laughing at his perverted, satirical comedy, that we bought the idea that we could be self gods, matched against the Almighty and Creator of all things, whose love is so perfect that He created a plan of redemption through His own anguish for every single one of us and He loves us enough that we are given the will to turn from Him and rebel or turn to Him willing to surrender to his perfect will and love.  The enemy is after creation.  He deceives us by tempting us with everything the flesh desires and creating so much chaos in attempts to drown out the Voice of the One whispering to our soul, and by keeping constant noise in our lives and heads to the point of our own exhaustion.  Maybe you’ve already know all of this, but feel completely overwhelmed with the black widow’s web of it all, not knowing how we could even start to turn this around.

So why do I write this?  Because It’s easy for those who seek Truth to get disillusioned and forfeit the search altogether if not guided by The Holy Spirit and it’s even easier to jump on the bandwagon of popular belief and conformity than rock the boat, and in the case of someone like me who hates small talk, chit chat and hates confrontation, it’s real easy to crawl into your cave, with your earbuds in, and try to convince yourself that this isn’t your fight.  

So, why not just shut my mouth and let the freedom of choice ring?

Why not sit down, shut my mouth and be a good girl?

Why pick the scabs of “necrotic issues” on both sides of the aisle some may ask?

“You’ll just attract flies at this point”, they may point out, whispering under their weighted  breath as if keeping a secret; “these issues will never be resolved with those with closed minds”(insert whatever explicative description of those whose opinions differ with yours).   

Why keep trying to talk to people about tearing down altars of idolatry when the biggest ones out there are the gods of self and we first have to actually put down our own self righteousness, to even listen to the plea?

Why keep trying to speak the truth from my testimony, when there always seems to be that uncomfortable shifting in a stance, the loss of eye contact and relief in the ease of disengagement, as I slowly just stop speaking, because they’ve already thrown up the nonverbal clues of their disbelief…as if our God still can’t do the supernatural?  Or that one friend who is always quick to bring up your past and point out the old life, when Jesus remembers them no more?  Or the friend who will try to always put a stumbling block of your old fleshly desires in your way, and convince you that you don’t have to be “that kind of Christian”, possibly because the Light you carry now is illuminating something they’re not ready to deal with in their own lives.

Why not give up in the realization that my words will be called hate, heretical and hypocritical knowing there is always a Pharisee around to call out your “out of context” scriptural reference or attempt to discredit your qualification to speak on the ways of God; as if you are in competition with them in some way, rather than coming alongside of you and offering to study the Word together, pray together and learn together?

Where are the round tables of TRUTH seekers who are weary from the false flags and disillusionments of the entire system and want the whole TRUTH and nothing but the TRUTH?  Where are the famished ones who are HUNGRY for The Bread of Life and ready to sit down at the same table together?  Where are the ones who’ve been parched for so long, that their THIRST for Living Water, can’t be satiated once you’ve tasted it, and once you’ve started digging your own well?  Where are the ones who have also been taught in the wilderness by God raising them up through breakings the chains of oppression of the very things that chased them there?  Where are the ones God has hidden in the caves from the enemies, put into places of rest, while the whole world around you thought you were done?     

Why write this only to risk losing friends and family, because they might see my love as hate?  That they may take my delivery of the burden God has shared with me for their souls as judgement rather than a call to come back; that He is still languished over His separation from His creation?


Because I must.  

Because I can’t go another day without being obedient.  

Because I’m tired of wrestling and overthinking.

Because I’m surrendered and I know that He will use the very weaknesses Satan kept me bound with to magnify His glory.


Because I am the generation stuck between what one generation taught me to tolerate and another generation who has fully embraced it, while the enemy sits back laughing as he has us divided, distracted and dying.  I’m between a generation forced to go to war at 17, and a generation who was birthed into an era of nothing but war; and all the while, the church of my generation preached on prosperity and grace through it all?


Because I walked away from the church building 17 years ago, because I don’t like “playing church” and that’s all I witnessed, while I was looking for Truth.  All I had ever been exposed to growing up, was a lot of people “playing church” on Sunday and living like the devil Monday through Saturday.  I was surrounded by tradition and doctrine written by men, with very little discipleship and even less self discipline.  I remember I would look around the congregation at vacant eyes, unmoved.  People on auto pilot showing up on Sundays fulfilling their role written on their resume and upholding their reputation in a small town. While my generation was being disciplined and restrained and being upheld to the law of Old Testament teaching, that they themselves weren’t living the example by; even as a child I could see the blurred lines, and I don’t think I’m the only one that saw it that way.


Because we are taught to be the salt and light of the earth, but the generation of fire igniting, wisdom-bearers and Bible believing intercessors aren’t always on social media.  They are an aging generation that has felt the coarseness of the salt in their lives, by living through: The Great Depression as children, where basic needs was the only focus; the World War II era’s social impact on women and family; the Post War era of The Golden Age of Capitalism, where the 1950s baby boom and Rock N Roll were birthed from years of prosperity; to witness the explosion of the Information Age of today, rise out of the inventions of radio transistors, the black and white television and the 8 track cassette tape.  We have a dying generation of wisdom bearers who have witnessed what is lost through forced progression that affects personal belief systems, who might actually shine light upon some much needed sources of Truth and guidance.  Because, they are after all, the generation who has endured the most dramatic and radical changes we call “progress”.  

So why bother?

Because I’m called to follow Him. Because I’m instructed to go and tell people the good news.  Because no one came looking for me when I walked out of that church building, and I had no one who corrected my worldly beliefs by teaching me the Truth, leaving me with a misconception that I was a failure in my futile attempts to try and live like Jesus, instead of surrendering my life to allow Jesus to live through me.  Because no one outside of me reaching out for Truth myself, shared that Jesus with me.  Because I didn’t know that faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God(Romans 10:17); so that I might know that despite what my eyes may see and ears may hear, that I would know hope because the Word says in Hebrews 6:19-20 “We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.  It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain where our forerunner, Jesus has entered on our behalf.”  Because there is so much confusion out there and the only Truth is found in HIS HOLY WORD of the Bible with guidance of the Holy Spirit.  Because it took me leaving that church building to get my eyes off of legalism and examples of fallen man for God to raise me up in the wilderness of life experience and prayers coming off my lips through the very real need of Him in the “ministry” of nursing while serving Veterans, indigents, elderly, addicted, prisoners, child molesters, chronically ill and for the last 7 years the terminally dying and their families.  Because it was through all of the enemies attacks on my family and attempting to keep our faith and hearts intact through it all, that the Refiner was refining me, because “greater was He that was in me, than he that was in the world.”    


Because that’s what Love does.  Love speaks the truth.  Sometimes the truth hurts.  It’s a bitter drink of water and none of us like the taste.  Some will accuse you of not speaking the truth in love, or of being judgemental, or of being self-righteous; but I’ll wear those labels too.  Because I was given mercy in spite of myself, because the TRUTH set me free.  Truly FREE.  LOVE rescued me with TRUTH.  Because we are in an age where I would rather wear the labels of men, than to carry the burden of disobedience to my Savior if I didn’t tell you of our shared inheritance.


Because we are living in the dark, being fed a lie that we are entering into an age of enlightenment.  We are living in a world where the Hollywood culture is now trying to make our belief system look “cool” and hip and intermarry it with new age beliefs and unless we have the Word of God deeply rooted within us and our children, we may be fooled by wolves.  We are in a world where there is an enemy who wants to shut us up if we speak God’s truth or confuse us if we try to listen to it.  He has planted so much confusion in this world that we cannot find our way without complete dependence on the Holy Spirit.  Believe me, sometimes it’s minute by minute.  

We live in a world where the number of likes and comments you get on a Facebook status gets you promoted, so you see more people copy and pasting Jesus chain letters than actually taking the time to read a post with a Word from a Pastor on their friends list.  

We live in a world where everyone is sedated by the images entering through our eye gates. Satan is planting thousands of images per day into the battlefield of your mind.  And because we’re in the age of Instagram and SnapChat, I probably should have made this a video with postcards and music if I really wanted this to be read.  We live in a world where we get 12 likes on a post we shared about a sin we’ve been delivered from or worshiping Jesus, yet will exceed 100 on a selfie.  

We live in a world where everybody wants to be their own god, create their own rules and believe that in the end, if they lived a good life (according to WHOSE STANDARDS TODAY?)  that they’ll go to heaven.  

Oh wait, they’ll probably develop an app for that!!!!

Because we live in a world where we are content that 20 years ago at an altar where we recited a sinner’s prayer after a 30 minute sermon that we are “once saved, always saved”. Then we were left with no guidance or discipleship, but instead, placed on committees and nursery duty.

As a nurse I’m looking at it like, “Hey!  I just got saved here, I was terminal!!!  Um, shouldn’t we move from ER Trauma 1 to the ICU before you put me to work in the hospital?  I’m severely dehydrated, just tasting the Living Water.  I’m still on fluids and crutches!!!”  

So we go on living our lives, trying our best and some of us get it and some of us get knocked down with trials and testing and before long, slowly start picking our sins back up over the years, holding hands with the devil, sitting on the fence, and not even knowing it really; except now we are walking through the world professing to be Christian, but usually only on Christmas or Easter or when some social issue created to divide us all, like black lives matter, rebel flag fights, transgender bathroom laws or gay marriage issues arise.  Then we get on our high horse, like the SELF god we are, and go to social media and start spewing all kinds of hate, ignorance and condemnation.  Meanwhile, that log in our eye from that post we shared yesterday from that site B*tch$ with A$$ promoting half naked girls on it, sits right beneath our self-righteous rant.

The intention of this is not to hurt anyone, and I’m not looking for an argument here, believe me.  That is why I’ve wrestled with this for too long now(so much so, I had to repent for being slow in obedience).  I’ve always taken the role as the peacemaker or mediator.  The advocate for the broken.  I’ve never enjoyed confrontation, it’s always given me tremendous anxiety.  I can remember my first panic attack at four years old, so through the course of my life to avoid confrontation, I became agreeable with everybody.  EVERYBODY.  In doing so, I started pushing my convictions farther and farther away rather than speaking up for my beliefs.  I find those friends of mine who are more progressive, are more confrontational and dominating on certain issues, so speaking their beliefs comes with greater ease.  I was raised to let my light and love shine and that’s what I’ve tried to do, hoping that would somehow influence them rather than arguing topics with them.  Just trying to love everybody right where they were and expecting that somehow, they would just “see it through my love”.  I wouldn’t doubt that God used my gifts of compassion and mercy to touch those He needed to reach.   But the truth is, I was holding hands with the world, by forfeiting the voice of my convictions.  

I spoke that sinner’s prayer at an altar at 12 and again at 20, and through the years convinced myself that I was going to heaven, because compared to other people I was a “good person”.  Yep, that’s the ugly truth.  You don’t really realize you’re creating your own measuring stick by which you measure good and evil, heaven, and hell, God or Satan, but unless you are surrendered, to the One who is the Word, who became the Word in flesh, and are living your life allowing that Word to abide in you, the devil’s lying to you.  That’s the truth.  No matter what you’re argument is.  Jesus IS who He says He is.  No matter what anyone else has to say about who He is.  He is the way, the Truth and the Life.(John 14:6)  

There has to be some standard of measurement as to which everything else is upheld to.  In a diverse society, who chooses the definition of TRUTH?  In a progressive atmosphere where everything that shines light on the sins of man is deemed “outdated” and society runs to government to change the rules to be all inclusive every time their sin is exposed, I must then ask the following question:  In the journey to separate church, and state, have we ended up making the state our church?  Does the government now set our standard of uprightness,  and truth?  Judging by the economy, corruption and loss of confidence by the people, I wouldn’t bet on them.  People don’t want the influence of the Word of God in Government, Law, Education, or Healthcare, but you teeter on the other extreme of giving the Government so much power, they essentially become another altar, another god.  So who holds the measuring stick of comparison of what is right and wrong, good and evil, where the line gets drawn?  What is TRUTH?  Where do the truths you live by originate?  Where do we derive our truths?  

The Spirit of Truth is a steward, given to us to guide our lives by.   (Confirm with John 16:13-14)  

The Word of God is a standard to which He builds His people.       (Confirm with  2 Timothy 3:16-17)

Truth- is God’s love.( 1 John 4:8)

Truth- is God’s warnings of judgement.(John 5:21-32)  

Truth- sets the description of sin.(Galatians 5:16-26; Romans 7:7-25))

Truth- reveals sin.(Hebrews 4:12; Ecclesiastes 12:14)  

Truth- calls for repentance.(John 14:15)  

Truth- promises deliverance.(Exodus 6:6)

Truth- gives rest.(Matthew 11:28-30)

Truth- restores.(Isaiah 1:18, 2 Corinthians 5:17, Psalm 51:1-19)


The TRUTH is, LOVE doesn’t always come in the heart shaped boxes the world wants them wrapped in.  The box that makes us feel comfortable in our sins and doesn’t hurt our feelings or disagree with us.


The truth is, love will gently call your name.(1 Kings 19:12)

The truth is, love will reach out tenderly and try to wrap its arms around you.(Psalm 18:16)

The truth is, love is unyielding and self sacrificing; willing to fight for you.(Song of Sol. 8:6; John 15:13)

The truth is, love is climbing to any height to scream your name over the crowd.(Proverbs 9:3)

The truth is, love is chasing after you in the streets, desperate to have you listen.(Proverbs 1:20-23)

The truth is, love will sometimes not look like what we think love should look like at all.(John 18:37; Eph. 4:15)  

The truth is, love will come in sounding like the roar of a lion. (Amos 3:8;Joel 3:16;Hosea 5:1-15)


Today’s atmosphere is full of dissensions, deceptions, demands, disguises, distractions, desires, drunkenness, demeaning labels, disobedience, depression, delusions, drugs, despair, demons of division and death.


Souls are dead.  And no one seems to notice that they are walking around the graveyard arguing over the division of the world’s definition of love, marriage, gender, and what god of reality television is popular this week, all the while holding  hands with a society where we have the greatest access to TRUTH, and the WORD of GOD, yet idolatry is rampant, immorality is widespread and our political system is corrupt.  Pornography is on Pinterest, the Media is a Mockery, Lies are Lackadaisical, but wait……LET ME TAKE A SELFIE!

THE LION HAS ROARED.  It is God who holds the PLUMB LINE of our moral standards, attitudes, and purposes; and this standard of measurement has never wavered, because the steady hand of God holds that plumb line.  It is vertical and upright and it does not move.

THE LION HAS ROARED.  Get your hands on a Bible and start digging your well.  Get on your knees and start digging.  Your thirst for TRUTH will be quenched with the only thing that can quench it.

If I shared my whole testimony, I would be like one of those characters in a book whom you are constantly weighing my character traits in the balance of my role.  At times you would be thinking I am the protagonist and you’d be cheering me on, but then again, there would be times you would look at me in confusion, at my actions and declare she’s the antagonist!?!?  Life can be deceptive like that.  The truth is my story and the story of all of mankind only has one protagonist, and we aren’t it.  No, we are the antagonist, despite our best of intentions, despite our works, despite our loyalty, despite the oppression and abuse that we didn’t ask for.  We still remain victims to our fallen nature.  Satan will try to convince you otherwise, that is nothing new.  Same lie he’s been selling since Eden. He  is constantly trying to get us to prove to ourselves or the world something that isn’t true. That we can be our own god.  He will use intellectualism, material possessions, career positions, objects of vanity, family name, fame, friends and associations, social media acceptance, personality traits, and even our religion as a measuring stick of our success in how well we are doing in this thing called life.  


He keeps us distracted, disillusioned and constantly entertained so that we don’t hear the whisper of our name, feel the gentle nudge, know the love that fights for us, hear the one that calls our name from any height, see the one that runs in the town square searching for us, and thus, we continue to ignore our own convictions, because we don’t even recognize LOVE anymore.  Because… we don’t even recognize GOD anymore.  We call good evil, and evil good.  We call Truth and Love, Hate and Bigot; or Fanatic, or Conspiracy Theorist, or Homegrown Hate Group.  

My testimony is like anyone else’s really, because it isn’t about me, it’s about HIM.  I was disillusioned.  I was trying to pacify in my mind and heart that people I knew and loved couldn’t be sinners.  Despite anyone’s opinion of their career, lifestyle, their hair color, their appearance, their past, what they did on the weekend, social status, in the end, they were “good people”.  I was deceived, because my sinful life didn’t want to be exposed from the dark, so I reconciled my soul with everything of the world, even if it wasn’t my thing.  Somewhere along the way, when I put myself on the throne of my own heart and started deciding for myself what was “right” and what was “wrong”, instead of using the measuring standard of the Word of God, I ended up questioning everything.  I was wondering if everything that I was taught that was good was evil, and what was evil was good.  I started agreeing with the popular belief that the mind and heart of people is what mattered and acceptance of progressive lifestyles and changes in society as a whole was just “evolving”. Coexist right?  Satan plants so many lies and because I was not equipped with enough of the Word of God, I was easily deceived.  

I was in a place of numbness in my life.  I was numb with the disillusionment of the world.  Everything I thought I had believed in was false.  The judicial system was broken and I had witnessed two of my children endure the backlash of a system that didn’t give them a voice,  seen countless television preachers preach prosperity while swindling money from people with emotion filled motivational speeches, the school system was immensely broken leaving parents and teachers alike, feeling helpless to teach children and corporate banking had robbed the hard-working, blue collared families of this country of their futures.  I had poured my heart and soul into my career as a hospice nurse only to realize it was just another system that was corrupted by our government and insurance companies; where greed and policy come before life and love.  My venture into the world of cosmetology revealed a world of favoritism, false flattery, inflation of self, inflation of false superstar statuses, jealousy, envy and vanity.  My servant’s heart was numb and lost.  I started hating who God had made me to be and the gifts He had given me.  I tried everything I could to transform into someone else.  I tried to learn how to be selfish and portray an invisible porcupine shield.  The careers I had, no longer wanted the gifts of compassion, mercy and love for the people we served, and I was so jaded that those same careers had stolen and drained me of those same things to bring home 100% of myself for my family.  The world was so backwards and life was so out of order.    

And that’s when the LION ROARED.  Oh how I praise God for a LOVE like that.  I thank GOD, I was spared.  Spared of my judgment and wrath because of the mercy and grace extended to me through the atoning blood of Jesus, the son of the One True God.  My testimony isn’t about an angry God.  No it’s about a God who went to great lengths because of His immense LOVE for me.

When the LION ROARED is when I walked away from the disillusionment.   

For the first time in my life, I was at a standstill.  No plan.  No goals.  No hopes.  No dreams.  No job. I wasn’t in a church.  I wasn’t at an altar call at some evangelistic conference.  I wasn’t talking to a Christian friend. I wasn’t reading the Word of God.  I wasn’t listening to praise and worship music.  I wasn’t even feeling judged by the world, because I was of the world.

No, I was just finally in a place of quiet.  I was in a place of numbness.  I had a void in my life that was growing larger day by day and the pressure of vacuum within that void was drawing me into a full abandon, but there was no resistance on my part because I knew in my soul that I had to give up. Completely alone at home, no entertainment turned on, nothing to distract me or sedate me from me; when I heard that gentle knock, felt the nudge and heard the one calling my name.  Now whispering again in that still, small voice, The Holy Spirit, The Comforter beckoning me to come, and it was the magnificence in the Holiness of His Love and Truth for me, that I realized how desperately I had needed Him, and how much I had tried to run from Him.  I had my excuses.  I had my hurts.  I had my attitudes about “hypocrites”.  I had my “church hurt”.  I had been hurt by the world.  I carried those things far too long.  Those strongholds are heavy.  The truth is, I had put my faith in the world.  I had put my faith in man.  I had put my faith in myself and in my own wisdom and strength, but my walls had been breached and torn down a long time ago.  The enemy had plundered about my mind and my heart, oppressing me with doubts and lies, stealing time that wasn’t his and trying to pervert and destroy gifts that He didn’t give or create, and at this point in my life, there was no one to blame, but me.  In my rebellion, through my rejections from hurt, and in my quest for independence, I had granted him access by believing those slick, false promises perverted close enough to look good, but mock God.  No, there isn’t any system to blame; not my stolen innocence, no victimization from injustice done to my family or disadvantages from not having access to what other people had that could PARDON me for why I FELL, FAILED, QUIT or FORFEITED. No there aren’t paychecks big enough, material things worth enough, letters of recognition, acronyms behind my name, accolades received or even the thankful tears of a family saying goodbye to their dying loved one that  QUALIFIED me for ACCEPTANCE, REDEMPTION, FORGIVENESS, or HEAVEN.  

I couldn’t do any of it another day.  I finally stopped running in rebellion trying to get myself “clean” first and gave up my will to Him in complete surrender, because I’d tested every theory out there and the whole world was a lie.  The whole world was an illusion.  The whole world was the matrix and I wanted out.  The whole world was my grave and I wanted to live.  I was thirsty for Living Water.  I needed the void of separation from my Creator filled.  I was a prodigal coming home, I didn’t care what condition I was in, I knew nothing compared to my Father’s LOVE.  

Looking into that mirror and seeing for myself all those times I was still so lost and of this world, realizing that I really had not been following Him at all, and I had prostituted my soul to the world in exchange for SELF.  Momentary self, with a ravenous appetite, constantly needing more and more to be fed:  

Self-validation, self- expression, self-esteem, self-righteousness, self-control, self-acceptance, self-knowledge, self-perception, self-confessed, self-awareness, self-reliant, etc…. and that was just the start of one altar of a false god.  I could write a book on the altar of other false gods we exalt and that’s just one broken commandment.  

Jesus met me at my need that day.  He came to me in a place where I would hear Him.  He had been pursuing me all along.  I was the woman at His feet crying tears with a contrite heart for it was all I had to offer; I had prostituted everything else to the world.  I had agreed with, chased down, tasted and drank from the cup of everything the world had to offer; I tried serving others and giving up myself in every attempt to find a way to be a “good” person trying to earn my way to heaven,  yet still holding hands with the devil by buying his lies and not even knowing.  The bitter TRUTH of LOVE we don’t like to swallow about ourselves is that MIRROR OF TRUTH we have to look into.  When we have to look upon the reality of our TRUTH, accept our need of giving up control of our lives to our Savior through faith, while having to recognize all the choices and hurts that led us there, the fears we have run from, and absolutely turn from that life; that is what SURRENDER looks like, that is not judgement.

It was an ugly 4 hours.  I looked upon the reflection of my spiritual self.  In that mirror, that reflection staring back at me was not what the world sees, for the world is just filled with illusions to our flesh created by the deceiver.  No, looking into that mirror, there was no denying what I was.  I was spiritual leper.  I had been blind, and unable to see the hypocrisy of my life and trying to carry that cross myself.  Taking on burdens that I didn’t need to carry.  Smoking my cigarettes out on a smoke break and talking about Jesus as I blew smoke right out of my mouth, because of course, “I didn’t put my faith in a cigarette taking my life, I knew my Savior would take me when He called me home”, tempting Him and not even knowing it.  My ears were opened to the internal thoughts that I had become deaf to; the small everyday thoughts of everyday living, and even then, I had been the one judging everybody as a means of measurement of validation of myself. Ha! What a joke!  Even my thoughts of something as simple about the driver in front of me who wouldn’t let the lady out in the parking lot go in front of her as being rude, so because I let her out, I was a “good person”.  We all have that line we draw in the sand to validate ourselves.  The truth is I had no power or authority to validate myself, because only Jesus could do that and through my surrender of my will, I had to dethrone myself from my seat of judgement that day.

LOOKING into that MIRROR of TRUTH was hard.  The choices I had made over my life were difficult to face;  the hurts and oppressions that had occurred to me in my life were painful to experience again and having to admit how they had held me in bondages of pain for so many years and never knowing how to let them go.  I wasn’t just a BROKEN vessel,  I was SHATTERED and didn’t even know it.  I had kept myself so busy trying to be everything to everybody else, taking care of everybody else, that I didn’t have the time to hear that “small voice” calling my name and there are times, I admit that I pushed Him away, not ready to deal with the festering pain underneath those well bandaged wounds.  

One of the main problems for me was and has always been, is that I haven’t really ever cared too much what other’s opinions of me were.  In fact, I’m the one who will call myself out on all my flaws and wrong choices and make a comedy of them to show that I am not perfect, before anyone else has a chance to diminish me or anyone in my presence, because I wasn’t afraid to admit my sins and it was a way that I always defended or shielded people growing up.  I was comfortable confessing my sins, because I knew who judged my heart, and I have always felt like I was transparent anyway, so may as well tell on myself.  

So I guess you could say that I had never really cared about whether people accepted my testimony or not, accepted my Jesus or not, because I knew the intentions of my heart towards people and I have always loved people, been forgiving of people and showed mercy.  Not as much to myself, but to others, yes.  

But God showed me a different perspective that day; I may not care about what people thought about me or my testimony, but did I ever consider

“What if your life is diminishing MY testimony?”  

Yikes!  Big Gulp!!  Choke on more sobs!  Devastation as floods of memories of people who may have been watching my life from afar and their opinions of who Jesus was and what He came to do was changed because I wasn’t being a good steward of my label “christian”.

I had never looked at myself in that context.  I guess I never got beyond the dirty, filthy part of my sin.  That label of being a sinner, I wore it well.  I played that role well.  That even though I had went down to that altar and admitted with full earnest faith and devotion that I was a sinner, I had never really left that altar walking away knowing or growing as a redeemed daughter of a King who had provided me with different garments that day.  I never knew what I was supposed to do from that point on and so I did what I did best, I played the role I knew.  I called myself out and used my shortcomings as a way to identify with hurting people and tried to show them my compassion, my pain and my mercy.  

The Holy Spirit delivered me from cigarettes that day, even though I wasn’t asking for that addiction to be taken away, because from that day forward, I “would not speak His name or of His love with the same mouth that I placed upon a lie, and I would no longer replace the breath of God within me by inhaling the poison of the enemy”.  

The mirror of my reality was grim.  The TRUTH hurts.

When I really looked into that mirror and I saw myself the way that Jesus saw me, while I was still a sinner, and yet He still died for me…it humbles you.  It shakes you to the core.  It makes you physically sick.  

Through sobbing, snot, screams, a bloody nose, groaning, moaning and coughing; I repented for all that I had done to Jesus that day.  

Even though He had willingly laid His life down for me that day, I was the one gambling at His feet.  I was the one who spit on Him.  I was the one who pierced His side.  I drove those tent pegs into His hands.  I called Him names and mocked Him.  I denied Him.  I betrayed Him.  He took my sin upon Himself and took my wrath and judgement.  He felt the anguish of complete and utter separation from the Father on my behalf, so that I could enter into enter His courts as a Daughter of the King.   

I deserved the wrath of true Holy judgement that day.  I deserved the void I sought to constantly fill with the things of this false world with fleshly desires.  I deserved the unsatiated darkness of separation from my Creator and nothing less, but Jesus doesn’t leave us in that condition we find ourselves staring at in front of that mirror. Because He doesn’t leave us where He finds us.  He delivers us, liberating us from our bondage to sin and the ways and thought processes of this world.  That mirror makes you look at everything you think, do and own with new eyes because He shows you, who HE says you are through HIs eyes.

His LOVE will shed the filthy layers of the world’s garments off of you and will cloak you in HIs garments of salvation and robes of righteousness.  His TRUTH will sanctify you, set you free and guide you.

That LOVE brought me prostrate at His feet.  

That TRUTH that my life without God reflected.  

That LOVE that had remained even after I ignored the gentle tugs at my heart.

That TRUTH that no matter how hardened the world was making me, there was one fighting still, to save me.

That LOVE that screamed my name as I was running towards the cliff.

That TRUTH that stuck beside me closer than a brother through the dark valley.

That LOVE that I didn’t recognize as LOVE anymore, because I was trying to carry something that LOVE had already carried for me.  

That TRUTH LOVED me enough, and that LOVE wanted me enough, to show me TRUTH.  



So, as Mr. Charles H. Spurgeon so precisely stated in the beginning with:  

“This present age is so flippant that if a man loves the Savior he is styled a fanatic, and if he hates the powers of evil he is named a bigot.”  

I must in the spirit of TRUTH, say that the truth is, those labels we so carelessly hurl at each other, we wear ourselves.  We all at some point try to sit upon a throne that isn’t ours; we scoff, mock, criticize, judge, betray, rebuke, “throw shade” and slander someone else, even if it’s just on the false measuring stick in our mind and it never slips off of our tongue.  We look at someone who’s on a different part of their journey, and because we operate in a world where we see time linearly and progress as forward focused;  A to Z, 1 to 100, past to present to future, young to old, good to better to best, janitor to junior executive to corner office all the way up the ladder to CEO…..we measure ourselves against standards of illusions of our best understanding of time, good and evil, better and best, right and wrong with imaginations and definitions derived by intellectualism and create our measuring stick;  but the Omnipresence of God, is Sovereign.  No two men would dare be given the same journey, for man would then try to create a formula in yet one more attempt to be his own god and try to perfect that which they do not know, and tear down, that which is placed to build him up.  Therefore, God in HIs Omniscience and Omnipotence sees us and all of His creation in a realm that we can never even come close to even imagine, intellectualize, dissect, recreate, describe, write, preach, paint or sing about.  So why the journey then?  Because Love gives you a will and as hard as that Truth is to swallow, God Loves us that much.  So why do we throw slurs at each other?  Because of fear?  Do we fear those whose beliefs don’t align with where we are in our journey are making this world “Go to hell in a handbasket”?  Does our fear create a false assurance that those slurs we let slide so easily off of our tongues put an armor around us so that we don’t become like  those faggots, christians, bigots, goody-two shoes, haters, blacks, mexicans, crackers, muslims, druggies, drunkards, prudes, Holy Rollers, rednecks, city slickers, yankees, trannies, cheerleaders, liberals, muscle heads, drama kids, band geeks, nerds, white trash, whores, prostitutes, cheaters, liars, thieves, politicians, radicals, fanatics, our small town snobs,….our parents…our friends…ourselves?  

The hardest part of looking into that mirror of our Truth is that we are scared that we have no control.  That we have to surrender complete control of our lives through the act of faith and quite frankly some people aren’t willing to go through the process of refinement to wait it out and see how the process is working for them something that is a small piece in the bigger picture.  

…..And those labels that I said that I would so gladly wear in the beginning?  Those labels don’t oppress me, offend me or hurt me, because the TRUTH is: we are saved because God LOVED us so much that He sent His Son to take our place of judgement; and because LOVE is:  Jesus willingly laid down His life upon MY cross, took MY pain and bore MY wrath upon and within Himself and said, “it’s okay, I’ll wear the labels”.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory,while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.

Hebrews 11:1  Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.

2 Corinthians 5:7  For we walk by faith, and not by sight.

Romans 8:18   I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.

Nikki C. Ellison 


themthemeltedcrayon 4/2016

There Are No Shortcuts To Revival




There are no shortcuts to revival.  Revival begins in the heart of the individual.  Revival is birthed out of our brokenness from the deep places of our heart.   Revival is a beautiful undulating of God’s hand on the surface of our souls.  It is through our brokenness, that the gentle stirring and nudging of the hand, and heart of God begins to call upon our life.

When the heart of the One who lives within us, the indwelling Spirit of God, syncs His heartbeat with ours, He speaks to us.  He speaks to us by sharing His grievances and burdens with our souls, in a way so unique to each one of us individually.  HE, the ONE who not only places this burning desire for us to call out for HIS will to be done in our moment of salvation, is the same ONE who will call upon us to desire HIS WILL, HIS WAY and HIS CHARACTER to be done in our lives.  This God who perpetuates our convictions, and calls us to the redeeming work of His salvation plan through Jesus (our undeserved gift of grace and absolution), doesn’t stop there.  No, our God invites us to not only accept His gift of grace, but to also, revive His Spirit within us.  

It is through our own Exodus that our journey begins.  As we begin the process, we can identify with the Old Testament journey of the Israelites and the beautifully woven metaphors God gave for reference for each of us to write our story in sync with all of humanity.   Yet, the story is personified in such a way that we can personally plug in our own plight towards Canaan through the sharing of our testimony, still giving God the glory in His plan to redeem individually and collectively all of HIS creation.

Our life, our Bible, our plight is all the journey of the soul.  The details are intricately different for each one of us, yet with spiritual maturity we humbly realize that we are all on the same journey as we escape our Egypt and wander through our wilderness, pressing on towards Canaan land so that Jesus may be extolled in in our life.  When we get that, we get enlightenment of how great our God is:  how He cannot be denied as our Creator, our Redeemer and our Victory.  

As we spiritually get delivered out of the enslavement of our Egypt and begin our journey to Canaan, the shedding process of oppressions and fears, along with the surfacing of bitter truths and weakness begins.  Throughout the journey, our heart is tested and our faith and patience is tried.  We, like the Israelites, are free, yet we can’t grasp the concept of freedom just yet.  Our minds remain indoctrinated to the teachings and the thought processes from the oppressions formed through the false god of self-reliance, and God knows this.  He redirects our path in ways that may seem unlikely and makes our journey longer, because He knows that when faced with difficulties, we can quickly forget, or never even have the eyes to see the mountains He has moved on our behalf to get us started on our journey of soul regeneration, and towards the freedom found in His love.  Too often, we like the Israelites, not prepared with the armor to fight the early trials, look to a Moses in our early years of life and we grow dependent on a guide in our journey, finding it easy to run to that pastor, parent, friend or mentor for all the answers when life gets weary and tough.  Moses, was a symbolic representative of God’s law, and spokesman of God’s authority, who came under persecution when the Israelites operated in fear and lost faith,  even though he was carrying his staff as a symbolic foreshadowing of the Shepherd’s care and protection.  Yet, we must realize that the law of our moral code, the law of right and wrong is birthed in our soul through our salvation in Jesus Christ, not in man.  The law that brings us to Christ is found in our FAITH.  Did Christ not come and was crucified on our behalf?  The law is NOT based on faith, and the Galatians were reminded of this when they were admonished for starting their journey in the Spirit and then relied on their works to see them through.  “Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming the curse for us, for it is written: cursed is everyone who is hung on a pole”(Galatians 3:13).  His cross, HIS sacrifice is what births the Spirit of His great LOVE for us, in us.  It is only in this, through and by this that victories are won and HIS promises are realized.

As we start our journey through the wilderness we are often faced with inescapable circumstances.   Standing before our Red Sea and being chased down by the enemy of our soul, seeing no way out, our faith may falter, but it’s because of God’s great love that He sends us a guide like Moses, but also allows the Pharaoh to remain behind us cracking a whip on our heels to keep us chasing after HIM.  

In Exodus, as the Israelites came to Marah, where the water was bitter, they are quickly forgetting how God had sent plagues to free them from their oppressors, and were quick to grumble and complain at the waters there at Marah.  They were not yet equipped to drink the bitterness of their truth.  No, they lost faith quickly and blamed God for their state of being when they found themselves in the wilderness.  We too, are often found set free in our life by God in a miraculous way from the things that keep us enslaved, yet when the journey gets long and tiring and we thirst for more; we aren’t prepared to drink the bitter truth.  We grow faint of heart, and do not remember that God provided provisions and God fought for us.  The realization of our bitter truths are the consequences of our sins and choices when we operated within our own will and sometimes, we aren’t yet prepared to swallow them.  

In my own personal revival, God came to me in my bedroom.  It was a divine appointment with the Almighty.  I was angry and deeply wounded.  The old pain that was rising up, was deeply rooted to an ancient time long ago.  God did the miraculous in my life that day.  He showed up and changed me forever.  No longer was I going to play with his Name in my mouth.  He delivered me from ME.  He delivered me from the hypocrisy of my broken life.  He delivered me from my HUMAN ATTEMPTS to live according to HIS WILL.  I was a huge failure and realizing that I couldn’t measure up; I couldn’t be my own savior, I had to allow Him to take over, and COMPLETELY SURRENDER my will.


Through the brokenness in my life, my pain, my fears and my crying, I found myself at the brink of a forgotten chasm in my soul.  I found myself slipping off the edge of this chasm of unknown pain, unknown depth and needing to call out, cry out and reach out to God once again.  I found out once again that in my own strength I can do nothing.  In my own will, I am fearful and I’m a failure.  I had been faced with this Red Sea, wandered in the wilderness, crossed the River Jordan and danced around Kadesh Barnea too many times in my life, lost faith and quickly surrendered myself back to the Egyptian slave masters of my soul.  Operating within my own will, I am fearful and I’m a failure.  In my own will, I malfunction and operate in and out of fear and not in and out of love.  In my own brokenness, I relied on my own strength through too many attacks from the enemy of my soul.  The façade of strength and power and might in me was pain disguised as anger, aggression and assertiveness.  Pain disguised as a false self–denial that I called my “Christian life”.  My life was a living testimony of hypocrisy and God called me out.  He brought me to a place where, no longer could I use His name and His promises out of the same mouth that I spewed hurt, pain, anger, disbelief and fear.

Who I was before, and what happened to me before, no longer matters.  It was a deep place that required supernatural grace and mercy and love.  That deep place where I fully surrendered, and I called out to God through my sweat, my blood, my snot and my tears, and said “MY GOD, MY FATHER!  My will is not enough, YOUR will be done.”

Everyday I must take myself to that altar.

Everyday I must surrender to Him.  

Everyday I must submit myself and fall on my knees.     

Everyday I must choose to die to self.

Everyday the veil is torn, the depth of the pain is exposed and I surrender to the healing deliverance and redemptive power of ABBA Father!  

Everyday all I can do is surrender to Him.

Everyday I must spend time with Him.

Everyday I must pick up my cross and follow Him.

I have wandered in the wilderness aimlessly following God and then getting distracted by the enemy.  Who is the enemy?  Many times in my life it was the sources of what I thought were my bedrock stones.  My foundation and base camp weren’t built solidly on a relationship between just God and I.  Some of the stones of my foundation were placed by early “religious” sources in my life.  My foundation was built on rearing; poorly taught church “doctrine” and most of all; religious expectations of what I was falsely taught and falsely believed made a “good Christian”.  It was teachings of trying to live up to Old Testament law before teaching me the gospel of the One who saved me from the law.  Call it church hurt if you want to, but without proper Holy Spirit-directed discipleship, testing of the Spirit with the Word myself and learning to walk on my own, being led by the Spirit in the righteousness paid for by my Redeemer; the perversion of the journey begins.  This is where the religious idolatry can be right in front of you and you can’t even see it.  This is where the faith and belief in God, our Creator can slowly fade away as the ravishing thirst and hunger for God, can slowly become a routine.  This is that place where if we don’t press in to our relationship with God, and instead we start relying on a place, a person, a sermon, a song, a church role or the approval of another; religious idolatry commences.

Prior to my life changing revival, I saw right through that idolatry most of my life and unfortunately chose not to play the church game by avoiding anything “religious”.  I avoided my Bible because I was persecuted with it.  I sought my relationship with God on my own, most of the time in prayer.  Driving in my car all alone, I did not realize how much I was chasing after Him, or rather, He was chasing after me, but this is where I started finding my own foundational stones of Gilgal.  God’s Gilgal for me, not someone else’s version of it.   My own basecamp of operations, where my foundational faith laid foothold and created a base of operations for my soul.  Through my own soul’s journey, I’ve been redeemed out of Egypt many times.  I have been a prisoner of war more than once.  I have crossed the Jordan carrying my bedrock foundational truths up the embankment of my need of God several times in my life.  Yes, more than once in my life, I have come back to my bedrock foundational truths in Gilgal.  Gilgal, which served as a foothold reminder of God’s redemption plan in my life.  Gilgal, where my flesh is circumcised from all that conflicts with my spirit, and where the cornerstone reminders of my broken enslavement to Egypt are placed.  Gilgal, the base-camp of operations, where my faith foundation is founded and the reproach of my previous life is rolled away.


Then there is that place when we allow God and only God to deliver us, bring us out from Gilgal and experience Him at Bethel.  It is in Bethel, where my encounter with God changed my life.  Once I encountered God, I didn’t want to leave.  God spoke revelation truth, revealing Himself in dreams and visions and Word.  I have loved Bethel.  Let me say that again. I HAVE LOVED BETHEL.  I have witnessed the walls of my Jerichos crumble as God moved my mountains supernaturally.  I have walked in faith as I have witnessed God do things in my family, that only by His hand could have been done.  Before every victory on my journey towards that beautiful day in the Promised Land, I have had dreams and visions like Jacob in Bethel.  Bethel, the place of my supernatural encounters with God; where everyday, I longed to be with God.   Oh, how I loved Bethel, but it was in my prayer closet one morning where God told me it was time to get out of Bethel.  I felt a sick, grievous feeling envelope me for over a week.  Travailing, and groaning in the spirit, searching for the face and heartbeat of God for answers to this unknown anguish; God taught me that by continuing to return to Bethel, was where I would start to malfunction.  I couldn’t keep returning to Bethel expecting to walk with Him like I had been everyday.  I wanted to, because God always showed up.  He encountered me daily and I relished in experiencing HIM so much so, that everything else that kept me from HIM was now my enemy.  I had grown to fully understand through His teaching exactly what building a relationship through abiding in the Spirit, being led by the Spirit and allowing the Spirit to rest upon me was and He shared how much idolatry comes between Him and us.  What He had done in my life made me zealous.  I wanted to share this place with everyone. I wanted to see everyone enjoy the freedom that the Blood of Jesus bought for us.  I wanted everyone to experience the deliverance and love in their life that God had given me.

Through the revival and out of our suffering comes a great inclination to tell of the greatness of God and what he has done in our life.  To spread the Word of His reviving Spirit that arises out of our brokenness, the Truth that moves out of the depths of our pains, the pressure that arises out of our hardship that catapults us to live a life of obedience to the daily lying down of our lives.  When we finally get to that place where we believe with the fullness of our faith of the atoning work in the Blood of Jesus Christ, having no choice but to trust in the knowledge and the proof that God still does the miraculous in our life, we realize everyday, that greater is He that is in me, than he that is in the world.  This was my Bethel: that glorious place where my life and circumstances changed, and only because of God’s intervention.


He had taught me to walk in faith around my Jericho walls, and gave me victories and now He was telling me that I had to move forward this time.  He taught me that Bethel was not as good as it gets.  Without the proper discipleship; without continuing to yield to putting our faith in Him, we return to Bethel only to fall victim to the idol worship, that sadly most never recognize as idol worship.  We can’t grow spiritually if we continue to return to Bethel and drink the sweet milk of our past encounters with God.  The use of the bedrock foundations of Gilgal, the songs, deliverance and dreams of Bethel and the victory of Jericho; in the walk of faith of each individual’s spiritual journey, can once again become a point of attack by the enemy and imprison the baby Christian if not kill them all together.

It was with my experiences in Bethel where I found myself with a sense of not exactly knowing where I fit in the “program”.  I was hungry for God.  I needed worship and praise and release of too many years of pain.  Why was I being pushed to do other things in the church?  Did they know how damaged I was?  I didn’t feel ready.  This is where a lot of spiritual journeys pause or stop.  This is where a lot of recently redeemed die again looking for that encounter with God, a lot of times at church, not understanding that we are the church.  But God called me out of Bethel.  Yes, He wanted me to leave the place that I felt was as good as it gets.  The journey is not linear.  The journey is sometimes a zigzag pattern of journeys here and there and back again to build our faith and take us deeper with Him.  For the first time in my life, I understood this.

As I moved out of Bethel and started onto a new Kadesh Barnea, through a new wilderness-not an old one, what could have been one of the most difficult trials of my life, I felt more alone than I have ever felt in my life.  I had asked God to break my heart for what breaks His and for 6 months He was silent.  I yearned for the relationship I had finally built with Him before He told me to move out of Bethel.  It was only in abandoned prayer and worship where I reached for the hem of His garment once again, where He revealed to me the period of what seemed like separation from me was Him sharing His anguished heart with me.  The deep depression I had fallen into, the unrequited yearning I felt I had fallen victim to, was the Father sharing with me a small portion of the anguish He has, being separated from His greatest love, which is each and every one of His children.  

On the other side of this six months, I realized I was no longer drinking milk.  No, God had raised me up.  He had raised a warrior.  He had taught me that the miraculous power of who He is does not lie on some piece of religious symbolism, in a pastor’s prayer or in a building.  It does not depend on upbringing, religious teaching or the amount of time we put in.  The power of our revival lives in the atoning and redeeming work of our Savior, Jesus Christ.  He is the only way.  There is no other way that we can be delivered.   We have to allow the Holy Spirit to do a new thing in us.  We have to tear down the altars of everything we put before Him and allow Him to take His rightful place in our soul.  We must create a new altar in our life; the One True Altar of the God of Peace.  The God of the peace, that passes all understanding. The altar, of Jehovah Shalom, who tells us 365 times in His Word to “fear not”.  We must trust the journey and understand that it is HIS GLORY that is to be revealed and when we put our trust in that, faith works.

We must be delivered out of our own Egypt; we have to walk through our own deserts and cross our own Jordan.  We have to be Spirit led, spending time with the Holy Spirit, allowing the refinement process of the fire to ignite us, burn the way of the world off of us, and then jump into that stream of living, refreshing waters, but we can’t stay there.  We have to push on.  The refining process of fire and refreshing water must continue as we are forged as weapons in His hands against the forces of darkness.  We have to continually call upon God to push us to an even deeper place.  We can’t be content to stay in Gilgal, the place of our salvation and foundational truths.  We can’t be content to stay in Bethel, the place of supernatural encounters, power and praise.  We can’t even be content to stay in Jericho, the place of our victories.  No we have to move forward being led by the Spirit and sometimes that journey may take us into the Garden of Gethsemane where we must pray and fast as Jesus did.  Sometimes we are the friends that pray and keep watch with those who are going through their own revivals.  We have to understand our place, why God has us there, and then pick up and move when He calls us.


We can’t be comfortable in our one supernatural encounter with God.  We can’t just be content standing back and holding our peace, our praise and our victory for ourselves.  We must advance as the army of God’s Grace, the army of God’s Love, the army of God’s Faith, the army of God’s Victory, the army of God’s Prayer, the army of God’s Heart.  We must, as true followers of Jesus, as true representatives of the body of Christ, put on our armor and pick up our sword daily.  We must allow the Word of God to transform us.  We must give people the truth:  that HE is the only WAY.

On February 27, 2015 I had revival in my bedroom.  Face-down on dirty carpet, for four hours through tears, snot, a bloody nose, sweat, screams, moanings and groanings, I died to self that day.  I can’t tell you my formula because it was relational between The Almighty Father, The King of Kings, The Lord of Lords and me.  All that I can do is tell you to yield to Him when HE comes, answer the call when He wants to have a serious talk and let Him share his burdened heart for you, with you.  Let Him remove everything in your life that sets itself up as more important than Him.

Ask Him to save you and forgive.  He already did.

Ask Him to teach you His ways.  He is waiting and willing.

Tell Him you desire more of Him.  He gives abundantly.

Ask Him to fill you with the Holy Spirit.  He lives within us.

There is a transformative power at the altar of God.  I will not apologize for wanting the Holy Spirit to do a new thing in me everyday.  He set my soul ablaze.  He revived me.   I can’t contain and can’t control these flames of my fire sometimes, but my God!!!  I asked for a double portion, I asked You to take over my life, and You did.  I may not get it all right, all the time.  I may not know all of the theology, and can’t rattle off scripture verses by heart, but I know the transformative power of a relationship with my Father.

He took me to a deep place and I have a victorious shout.



Nikki Clark-Ellison ——-September 15, 2015


Jeremiah 15:19

Therefore, thus says the LORD, “If you return, then I will restore you– Before Me you will stand; and if you extract the precious from the worthless, You will become My spokesman. They for their part may turn to you, but as for you, you must not turn to them.


Isaiah 61:7

Instead of your shame you will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace you will rejoice in your inheritance. And so you will inherit a double portion in your land, and everlasting joy will be yours.


Numbers 11:17

I will come down and speak with you there, and I will take some of the power of the Spirit that is on you and put it on them. They will share the burden of the people with you so that you will not have to carry it alone.

Nikki C. Ellison 


themeltedcrayon 9/2015




There Are No Shortcuts To Revival

His Name is Mercy

Luke 11:9-10

“So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.”

This promise of suppliant petition to God; this requisition of distribution of His goodness  is not a promise for those who seek to promote, advance or preserve “self”.  This is about a promise of filial trust in the Father to provide for all of your needs.  This is for those who seek God’s glory and God’s will above all other things and by faith, lay ahold of the promises of God and persevere until God comes down in His cloud of glory.  This promise is for those who recognize their own spiritual poverty and weakness, and need the Father’s hand of mercy to attain such a heavenly ambition.

2 Chronicles 5:13-14

“The trumpeters and musicians joined in unison to give praise and thanks to the LORD. Accompanied by trumpets, cymbals and other instruments, the singers raised their voices in praise to the LORD and sang:
“He is good;
his love endures forever.”
Then the temple of the LORD was filled with the cloud, and the priests could not perform their service because of the cloud, for the glory of the LORD filled the temple of God.”

Just singing of God’s goodness and enduring love filled the room with God’s glory.  Imagine if everyday was spent in praising Him, worshiping Him and lifting Him up in His rightful place within every situation. How dramatically different your perspective might change?

When you go to God in prayer with a premise of falling short of perfection, you underestimate the love of our God and who He is.  The presence of God is always linked to his overwhelming mercy.  So instead, you should approach Him with fear and trembling, knowing your extravagant need of his mercy and compassion.  You should come running to His mercy seat with confidence, for God is merciful.  Put your faith in who HE is, not in telling Him you know who He is and how much you have failed.  He already knows who He is and how you’ve failed.  Instead, because of His Word, put your faith in knowing that He is good and that His mercy endures forever.


Mercy is not just for your forgiveness or your healing, but it is in His mercy where your provision is also found.  God WANTS to take care of you.  He is concerned with your needs and moved with compassion for you in your needs.  The character of God is full of compassion and mercy, and that cannot be diluted, it’s just who He is.  Whatever your need is, He is moved by mercy and compassion to be your provision.  From generation to generation, he does not refuse pleas for mercy, but self righteousness is always a filthy rag before Him.    

  Later on in 2 Chronicles 20, King Jehoshaphat was afraid after being told that a great multitude was coming towards them in battle and he sought the LORD in prayer, and then assembled the people together in prayer and fasting.  The people were all together when Jehoshaphat prayed:

2 Chronicles 20:5-12

And Jehoshaphat stood in the assembly of Judah and Jerusalem, in the house of the Lord, before the new court, and said, “O Lord, God of our fathers, are you not God in heaven? You rule over all the kingdoms of the nations. In your hand are power and might, so that none is able to withstand you. Did you not, our God, drive out the inhabitants of this land before your people Israel, and give it forever to the descendants of Abraham your friend? And they have lived in it and have built for you in it a sanctuary for your name, saying, ‘If disaster comes upon us, the sword, judgment, or pestilence, or famine, we will stand before this house and before you—for your name is in this house—and cry out to you in our affliction, and you will hear and save.’ And now behold, the men of Ammon and Moab and Mount Seir, whom you would not let Israel invade when they came from the land of Egypt, and whom they avoided and did not destroy— behold, they reward us by coming to drive us out of your possession, which you have given us to inherit. O our God, will you not execute judgment on them? For we are powerless against this great horde that is coming against us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you.”

Can you imagine if we all prayed and fasted with such faithfulness, going with such boldness to the mercy seat when faced with something overwhelming, or threatening and turning to God as our first line of defense? And God was faithful with nothing short of a miraculous and divine response, which was again a demonstration of His merciful hand.

2 Chronicles 20:14-19

And the Spirit of the Lord came upon Jahaziel the son of Zechariah, son of Benaiah, son of Jeiel, son of Mattaniah, a Levite of the sons of Asaph, in the midst of the assembly. And he said, “Listen, all Judah and inhabitants of Jerusalem and King Jehoshaphat: Thus says the Lord to you, ‘Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed at this great horde, for the battle is not yours but God’s. Tomorrow go down against them. Behold, they will come up by the ascent of Ziz. You will find them at the end of the valley, east of the wilderness of Jeruel. You will not need to fight in this battle. Stand firm, hold your position, and see the salvation of the Lord on your behalf, O Judah and Jerusalem.’ Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed. Tomorrow go out against them, and the Lord will be with you.”

Then Jehoshaphat bowed his head with his face to the ground, and all Judah and the inhabitants of Jerusalem fell down before the Lord, worshiping the Lord. And the Levites, of the Kohathites and the Korahites, stood up to praise the Lord, the God of Israel, with a very loud voice.  And they rose early in the morning and went out into the wilderness of Tekoa. And when they went out, Jehoshaphat stood and said, “Hear me, Judah and inhabitants of Jerusalem! Believe in the Lord your God, and you will be established; believe his prophets, and you will succeed.” And when he had taken counsel with the people, he appointed those who were to sing to the Lord and praise him in holy attire, as they went before the army, and say,

“Give thanks to the Lord, for his steadfast love endures forever.”

And when they began to sing and praise, the Lord set an ambush against the men of Ammon, Moab, and Mount Seir, who had come against Judah, so that they were routed. For the men of Ammon and Moab rose against the inhabitants of Mount Seir, devoting them to destruction, and when they had made an end of the inhabitants of Seir, they all helped to destroy one another.

They sang and praised God with expectancy of His mercy and compassion, goodness and love sending forth their “Judah”{praise} which is just one example of the victories of God’s mercy in battles throughout the Old Testament [Joshua 6:10,20; Judges 7:18-22; 2 Kings 7:3-16;19:35].  God is enthroned on the praises of His people, so wherever and whenever He is praised, worshipped and sought after, he reigns there.(Psalm 22:3)

Can you imagine if we filled every day with a song like David’s song of thanks?

1 Chronicles 16:8-34

Oh give thanks to the Lord; call upon his name; make known his deeds among the peoples!  Sing to him, sing praises to him; tell of all his wondrous works!  Glory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice!  Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually!  Remember the wondrous works that he has done, his miracles and the judgments he uttered, O offspring of Israel his servant, children of Jacob, his chosen ones!  He is the Lord our God; his judgments are in all the earth.  Remember his covenant forever, the word that he commanded, for a thousand generations, the covenant that he made with Abraham, his sworn promise to Isaac, which he confirmed to Jacob as a statute, to Israel as an everlasting covenant, saying, “To you I will give the land of Canaan, as your portion for an inheritance.”  When you were few in number, of little account, and sojourners in it, wandering from nation to nation, from one kingdom to another people, he allowed no one to oppress them; he rebuked kings on their account, saying, “Touch not my anointed ones, do my prophets no harm!”  Sing to the Lord, all the earth! Tell of his salvation from day to day.  Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous works among all the peoples!  For great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised, and he is to be feared above all gods.  For all the gods of the peoples are worthless idols, but the Lord made the heavens.  Splendor and majesty are before him; strength and joy are in his place.  Ascribe to the Lord, O families of the peoples, ascribe to the Lord glory and strength!  Ascribe to the Lord the glory due his name; bring an offering and come before him!  Worship the Lord in the splendor of holiness; tremble before him, all the earth; yes, the world is established; it shall never be moved. Let the heavens be glad, and let the earth rejoice, and let them say among the nations, “The Lord reigns!”  Let the sea roar, and all that fills it; let the field exult, and everything in it!  Then shall the trees of the forest sing for joy before the Lord, for he comes to judge the earth.  Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; for his steadfast love endures forever!

God radiates mercy and goodness and He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek His mercy. He is moved by the pleas of those who place their faith in His mercy.  Throughout scripture He is showing the believer who He is by showing the character of His mercy.  The pleas for mercy always moved His heart to compassion.  


I believe our biggest witnessing and evangelizing to others is not leading them to Jesus by trying to get them to where we think they should be, but by allowing them to witness the Glory of God when we allow them to see as we persevere in faith through the unedited, raw, difficult vulnerabilities of our deepest wounds in the shadows of our valleys as He takes us from glory to glory, dependent upon his mercy and goodness.  Living our life dependent on the faith that His mercy and goodness endures shows this lost world that our God is the Father of Mercy.  Mercy is the key that opens the door to all that God has to offer us.  

The goodness of God’s love begins with mercy and extends through generations.  It’s in the asking for His mercy, not trying to prove that you have great faith, but that your faith rests in His mercy.  We don’t have to convince God to give us mercy through our faith, but it is through our faith in the greatness of His mercy that is already available to us, that we, and those lost in this dark world start to realize the heart of GOD.

Nikki C. Ellison 


themeltedcrayon 06/2017




The Lord is your dwelling place. The enemy of your soul is a liar. Even though right now all of the things he is throwing at you seems to overwhelm your sight, heavily burden your soul with a yoke that seems too heavy to carry and steal your sleep from countless seconds of relentless worry, our God is bigger than the lies of the enemy, the false imaginations of your assumptions of the outcome and through just the ridiculous faith of a mustard seed, longs to be magnified and glorified through you and your trial. I know you feel as though you are being hit with one thing after another and can’t catch a break and that you feel like you are becoming more and more vulnerable because these things are keeping you distracted and consumed with a worried and busy mind.

But, you must stand on the Rock of Ages. Stand on the promises of knowing that Our God is faithful to pull you out of the miry pit of clay. God is your safe place. He is your refuge. He is where you abide, dwell and where you place your trust. This is your claim. This is your place of dwelling. This is your inheritance as a child of God. You are close to Him who redeemed you and no weapon formed against you shall prosper. When you dwell in this place, surely He delivers you from the snares of the fowler. He has pulled you back from the place of the desert. He is God-from everlasting to everlasting, and His wisdom is upon those who seek His face. He is protecting the work of His hand as He pulls you deeper into the dwelling place to be even closer to and more dependent on Him. It may seem like you are losing it and things are falling apart to your natural eyes, but spiritually he is unveiling things that need to be revealed, and traps that need to have light shed upon them, before the bigger work He is going to do through you can go forth. For His plans are bigger than your plans. His precepts are greater than your imaginations. Be patient in your waiting and hold tightly for SURELY He will DELIVER you. SURELY He will, because His GOODNESS and MERCY follow—->YOU all the days of your life. He chases after you with His goodness and mercy, but when you turn to Him and cling to Him, stay close and keep your eyes on Him, you don’t even have to have the strength to move another step, for it is in your weakness where He will show Himself strong.  Just rest in Him.



1 Corinthians 10:11-13

11 These things happened to them as examples and were written down as warnings for us, on whom the culmination of the ages has come. 12 So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall! 13 No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.



Psalm 91

1 Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High

will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

2 I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress,

my God, in whom I trust.”

3 Surely he will save you

from the fowler’s snare

and from the deadly pestilence.

4 He will cover you with his feathers,

and under his wings you will find refuge;

his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

5 You will not fear the terror of night,

nor the arrow that flies by day,

6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,

nor the plague that destroys at midday.

7 A thousand may fall at your side,

ten thousand at your right hand,

but it will not come near you.

8 You will only observe with your eyes

and see the punishment of the wicked.

9 If you say, “The Lord is my refuge,”

and you make the Most High your dwelling,

10 no harm will overtake you,

no disaster will come near your tent.

11 For he will command his angels concerning you

to guard you in all your ways;

12 they will lift you up in their hands,

so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.

13 You will tread on the lion and the cobra;

you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

14 “Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him;

I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.

15 He will call on me, and I will answer him;

I will be with him in trouble,

I will deliver him and honor him.

16 With long life I will satisfy him

and show him my salvation.”


 Nikki C. Ellison


themeltedcrayon 6/2017

Grief cannot be known, lest there be Love


I love you. I know by the Spirit when you need to be encouraged. I don’t know what, if anything you may be facing in life, nor do I need to; but God lays many of you heavy on my heart about once or twice a week. I think of you everyday, but once or twice a week, my soul stands in the gap for you and I surrender to it.
You are captivating. You are more precious than rubies and diamonds. You are a fixture in God’s mind and He holds you in the palm of His hand. He loves you so much and will go to any length until you believe that. Genisis 6:6 says that God was grieved by mankind. Grief cannot be known lest there be love. Therefore, we know that God loves us because we have grieved Him. Often times, we struggle with forgiving ourselves, and depriving ourselves of accepting the love, and forgiveness that God poured out in His passion on Calvary, because the enemy of our soul always likes to use some lie or fear to set up a stronghold to use an unscriptural idea against the truth. The truth is, God’s love doesn’t draw sin out of us, but rather it was, and is His love that forces it out. Satan is forced out. You see, the opposite of love is FEAR, not anger. Don’t be afraid of any lie of the enemy.
A lot of times we will find in our rings of refining fire in the hands of our Redeemer that the biggest liar to our soul was ourselves. At least that’s what I’ve discovered. I lied to myself that the world took advantage of my “good heart”, “that I loved too much”, “people drained me”…..the great lie was really the lie I told myself. I didn’t love myself enough to set healthy boundaries. I let people take advantage of my “good heart” because the ugly truth is…..I was trying to earn my way by good works……I allowed myself to “love too much”……was really my need to be in control of relationships because I had vulnerabilities that I wasn’t ready to pick scabs off of….people drained me because I was terrible at time management and God needed to set me apart to teach me how to put my house in order and put Him first, TJ next, kids and family and then work out from there. But society has forced us to work in reverse and it sucks our life out of us and we weren’t designed in God’s plan to juggle it all. For some reason it has been on my heart to say this……If you are fearful because you have a history of running and having a restless spirit…..call it out, surrender it in prayer and seek God. If you are feeling the need for change in your life and you fear old ways are attempting to come back through an unlocked door, seek God. Listen to your dreams. Get in nature and be alone with God. Ask Him to correct you if you step in a wrong direction, but also know this, sometimes patterns repeat and restlessness comes back because He is trying to reveal something to us. Sometimes, He is trying to prune old branches so new branches can come forth. Sometimes the dross(impurity) in the silver that needs to be removed, is a mineral that requires a higher temperature for refinement. If you feel alone, if you feel like God is far away, is He sharing His heart with you? Every ache of the heart and every unrequited emotional need is only a small sliver of the suffering of His heart we have caused Him.
He shares this with us not to punish us, but because:
1)He trusts you to know His pain so that you can bring glory to Him through what He teaches you in it; and
2)Not a moment, not a tear, not a desire of your heart does God not know your need and He is needing you to commit it all to Him.
I know exactly where you are…..The sackcloth and ashes soul mourning…..when God is teaching you obedience. God has taught me a lot over the last decade. There is freedom in what God taught Abraham through asking him to sacrifice Isaac. A desire, a promise and a faith that Abraham relied on for a heart’s desire and then God asked him to give Isaac back to Him in sacrifice. The part of that story most of us miss is that God not only loved Abraham enough to provide a sacrifice at the last minute, but that through that act of obedience, God set Abraham free of things. Abraham was rich because he was not owned by anything. He no longer had to attach “mine” to anything. He was given the gift to live the rest of his days in the freedom knowing that it all belongs to God. He is our creator. He provides and through obedience and committing what God gives us back to God, God gives us the world. Revival isn’t found in a tent. Reformation isn’t found in politics. God gave his Son so that we no longer had to be enslaved to the laws, limits and measuring sticks our minds create. We have the power to choose to not be apart of the negative discussions that propel the evil of this world forward. Even the light of a match still shines and can be seen in the midnight hours on the side of a mountain. I choose to shine my light.
We must understand not only our attitude of prayer, which at this point is humility and repentance, but we must also understand how we position ourselves before the Lord. I laid at the altar this week before worship service prostrate before the Lord crying for repentance for my own sins and in the gap for the orphans who stand in the fields of the fatherless, without the spiritual eyes or ears to discern the spiritual forecast. I share this because everytime I have surrendered and submitted to lay prostrate, it places me physically in a place of vulnerability, which opens up the ancient gates to make way for me to position my spirit in the vulnerability needed to reach the level of humbleness I believe we need in this hour. We need Gideons to rise up and take down the false gods of their fathers and go forth equipped with their light and their praise. God was patient with Gideon, knowing that Gideon moved cautiously not because of who God is, but because God was calling him forth, the least of the least of the tribes to be a general in God’s army. We have the gift to heal because the love of Jesus lives within us and His love covers a multitude of sins. Sin is a cancer of the spirit. It really doesn’t matter what the symptom is, we all have our own vices and thorns, but first we must have the spiritual eyes to see like a Pet Scan beyond the obvious symptoms and invest into the world with love. We make disciples by investing time and love authentically, not forcibly; by living and worshipping in Spirit and in Truth; by not hiding our brokenness, but by sharing our brokenness. Along the journey, I pick up broken pieces of those that God has placed in my life and God uses those to fit the brokenness in my life. Before long, I look upon myself in my spiritual mirror and I see myself the way that God sees me; broken, beautiful and repaired by a multitude of seasons of love in various forms that God sent my way to grow me. I look upon my spiritual reflection and I no longer see the spiritual leper, but I see the beautifully crafted creation of broken clay pots, bonded together by a blood covered covenant. I am a beautiful array of different colors, from different regions and different eras. God has created me to be a new creation. A new cistern where as long as I seek His face, get into His Word to dig my well, an endless river of living water will flow forth.

My prayer is that God will put us all in a place of remembrance like the prophets sitting at Jezebel’s table were brought to at Mt. Carmel where they had previous victory. That God will set the circumstance of soaked wood and a water filled moat surrounding the burnt offering and out of His great love for us, He will show us mercy and let His consuming fire fall again. Do it again God! Do it again! I want more of YOU!
Send forth the Judah. Be a true and surrendered worshipper. The Holy Spirit always connects the Intercessory Worshippers. Within our worship God is enlarged, encountered, embraced, and enthroned. I am praising God with you this day for the demonstration of His glory on the other side of this and for the multitude of witnesses who will see the victory that only He can bring. Just like with Gideon and how God showed off by only arming them with their lights and their horns, let us also be mindful not to fall into the same trap after the victory of falling into repeating generational patterns. Just as there is a legacy of strengths, there is also a legacy of weaknesses lurking in the background and we must be careful not to tarnish the integrity of our living by being led astray by misguided traditional ways that have failed to work in the past.


Written by:

James Huey

When I think about the Lord
How He saved me, how He raised me
How He filled me with the Holy Ghost
How He healed me to the uttermost
When I think about the Lord
How he picked me up
Turned me around
How He set my feet
On solid ground

It makes me want to shout…
Hallelujah, thank You, Jesus
Lord, You’re worthy
Of all the glory, and all the honor
And all the praise

It makes me want to shout…
Hallelujah, thank You, Jesus
Lord, You’re worthy
Of all the glory, and all the honor
And all the praise

When I think about the Lord
How He saved me, how He raised me
How He filled me with the Holy Ghost
How He healed me to the uttermost
When I think about the Lord
How he picked me up
Turned me around
How He set my feet
On solid ground

It makes me want to shout…
Hallelujah, thank You, Jesus
Lord, You’re worthy
Of all the glory, and all the honor
And all the praise

It makes me want to shout…
Hallelujah, thank You, Jesus
Lord, You’re worthy
Of all the glory and all the honor
And all the praise

Hallelujah, thank You, Jesus
Lord, You’re worthy
Of all the glory and all the honor
And all the praise

Hallelujah, thank You, Jesus
Lord, You’re worthy
Of all the glory and all the honor
And all the praise
And all the praise
And all the praise


Nikki C. Ellison


themeltedcrayon 6/2017

Salt of the Earth


December 16, 2016


There’s been a downpour of abundant rain here today.  The Holy Spirit through intercession brings the travailing and grieving heart of God.
We have to uproot old systems.  

The earth is quaking.  

The mountains are crumbling.  

The fires are scorching the land.  

The waters are rising and are nearly over our heads and no one seems to notice that we have a drowning generation.  

There has a been a sigh of relief in all the concerns of the loud voices who were so quick to share their opinions on the created issues of division, as if an election that was arranged to give the conservative church a false sense of security and hang all of their hopes on an establishment as the cure all.  No one is as impassioned about any of the “issues” post election.

It seems that no one wants to notice, or at the very least, is seeking and speaking about all of the broken scales of balance across all of the false beast systems set up over government, healthcare, education, business, media, arts & entertainment, the family and religion.  There is a scale that teeters from one radical extreme to the other, and the voices of balance with “out of the box ideas” gets mocked and drowned out by those who take on the majority of each season’s complaints and divisions, while they come up with a “talking point solution” that lasts long enough to quell the majority’s “concerns”, not getting anyone speaking the actual TRUTH; that there is but ONE solution.  No one wants to HEAR anymore.  No one wants to SEEK and FIND anymore.  They enjoy being fed and like a baby, they will eat whatever you feed them and they don’t even realize there is death in the pot.

Yes, there are those who are aware of the broken scales and the imbalance in the quest for TRUTH, WISDOM, KNOWLEDGE and REVELATION; but they sit in positions to keep the majority overworked, overstressed, overstimulated and too busy as they seek to take advantage of those who don’t have the resources or the passion to pursue a true balance.  They relish in the power allotted to them by the imbalance to further tip the scales in their favor.  

Then there are those who are aware of corruption on all levels and want to truly change the scenery , but feel helpless in their quest to tip the scales back to a more balanced direction of order and then there are those who are apathetic and comfortable with the status quo of riding whatever mainstream wave comes along as long as their sea has no real, rough waters or requirements, that stretches their faith, their beliefs, their gifts or their wallets.  And then we have the leftovers, the outcasts, the “rebels”, the blunt, and the seekers who wish to stand beside the pillars of the Truth.  They are usually the ones who see the injustices and the hypocrisy on both sides and have jumped out of the enemy’s ship.  Some leave deciding to swim on their own and find their own answers, not realizing they are going to get into another ship of the enemy and buy into another false idea while convincing themselves they have rejected all the vessels of false systems, but it is only when you hear the voice of TRUTH drawing you to jump out of the boat with the hunger of Peter and become so full of faith, that you step out of the boat to walk on the water seeking to follow, learn from and worship the One who commands the wind and the sea with His voice.  The ones who realize HE is “here with me” and it is only by HIM and with HIM that they are going to take the next step.  It doesn’t matter that the waves are rising and faith may have slipped yesterday.  It doesn’t matter that the wind hisses that the enemy’s lies of defeat caused them to lose their footing, they know and have built a relationship with the ONE who came for those held defeated by a death grip and caused the dead to live again; the ONE who split the gates of hell wide open to tear down any box, any lie, any bondage, any chain, and the walls of every prison; the ONE who came and brought life back out of the grave of slumber.


No one really wants to tackle the problems that exist in the systems if they will no longer provide a false freedom.  They just split, divide, run, forfeit or pretend, hoping that the sea will die down and that the grace of God will continue to provide when the seas get too salty.  
But someone needs to be willing to scream from the rooftops.  Someone has to be bold enough to run through the town square; willing to die to the facade of being anything of significance in our own plans and surrendering to the solitary road of suffering and sorrows that is needed in this hour for those who will hear HIS voice.  

There is a voice calling from the wilderness.  There is a truth growing out of the stump that beats the sound of a different drum.  There is a new song coming from a generation of trial and tribulations.  The illegitimate children born to Gomer during her false love and drug fests born in the 1970s.  

The generation that is aware of the faults and mistakes of previous generations, yet fire forged through the hardships of life with enough love and given enough grace to recognize the need for mercy, faith, grace and love to not reject the previous generations, but to seek them out for their wisdom with forgiveness, humbleness and meekness with the heart of Hosea.  

The generation who can see and hear that the next generations are not just holding hands with the world, but embracing and holding onto more and more of what was sold and taught as “tolerance” of our faith.  

The generation raised by a generation who rebelled in the face of their parents who had built their houses the with coarse salt of longsuffering in hardships, who then raised the next generation and tipped the scales in the opposite direction with too much sugar teaching nothing but grace and prosperity, peace and safety with the attitude of giving and doing whatever “felt good”; or by avoiding their own issues by “giving the children what they want”, to avoid dealing with their own junk.  

Over the last 60 years the “christians” just became a religion with a building called a “church” with the voices of false prophets and “Martha minded” congregations, not understanding why the rocks are being thrown at their glass windows.  No one walks into the “church” anymore because the mirrors aren’t at the altar.  The cleansing bowl no longer shines enough to reflect the condition of the sinner sitting on the pew week after week.  Instead an outsider walks in to see a plethora of split personality disorders hiding and attempting to defend themselves from a closet of false offenses and a resume` of “works”. The body of the church age not only tolerated, but invited in, the enemy and fought to be justified in the name of faith while selling the future season’s crops through contracts of political correctness, weariness and apathy to cover up hidden sin.  The very locusts who showed up to eat the crops and steal the land out from under the church, was also selling the poison as fertilizer, to fast-track the hard work, all the while the church was tilling the soil with “growth inhibitor”.  The few fruit that was brought forth for the inheritance of the next generation wasn’t worked for at all.  Too many tried to instant download or find a cliff note version of the Truth as long as it had the name of Jesus on it, and did not do the necessary work to surrender, seek, find and follow HIM to tear down every false altar to prepare their crops for the endtime harvest; and the SADDEST truth still isn’t even the barren trees who don’t have any idea that they’re barren or the rotten fruit fermenting on the ground who still thinks it’s on the tree, but that the seed who was never planted in fertile soils were being robbed by the foxes who scattered them amongst the rocky path to begin with and are then coming back to mock, persecute and blame them for not bearing fruit.

There isn’t peace and safety in this hour.  The seeds have been robbed.  The fields were flooded with half-truths and mistruths and the enemy came in during the hibernation of a sleeping “church” and planted the ideas of the world.  Now when TRUTH is sent in and comes in to prune;  it is ignored, rejected or half agreed with as a precautionary insurance for the (band)wagon at the edge of the field.

No one wants the salt in the field anymore.  No one wants their heart wounds irrigated with the saline of the BLOOD of JESUS.  No one wants the necrosis breeding in anaerobic conditions (living, active, occurring, or existing in the absence of free oxygen :  of, relating to, or being activity in which the body incurs an oxygen debt; lack of oxygen or BREATH) to be debrided by the Word of God with the renewing of their minds, tearing down every false god and stronghold in their minds and to grasp a hold of the life giving balance of the polarity of living water.
We are going to have to go underground and penetrate the darkness.  A new, unique ministry for TRUTH is coming.  
We have to be willing to get our hands dirty.  We have to be willing to get on our knees in the water logged, fields and remove the sludge, mud and mire of corrupted systems.  We have to put our hands to the plow and begin the plowing until we hit the hard soil of men’s hearts.  We have to be willing to be the Moses leaders who set people free. The Deborahs who discern, judge and speak the truth without fear.  The Elijahs who bring back the spiritual parenting of wisdom and discipleship.  The Elisha’s who serve and seek all that God has to offer with ridiculous faith.  The warrior Davids who are after God’s heart at the cost forsaking everything else.  The John the Baptists who aren’t afraid to come out of the wilderness with a confidence in who we are because of the ONE who comes baptizing in the Spirit. The Mary’s who will not be distracted by the complaining of “work” to be done when the opportunity to sit at the feet of Jesus is all that matters.  The Peters, who don’t let the mocking of roosters, steal the promises prophesied over us.  The Pauls, the Jacobs and the Abrams who will be renamed and called a new name after their encounter with the living God.  


The root rot of our current fields have manifested house plants dependent on an artificial light.  The land has been raped of her trace minerals and the seed has been genetically modified.
A false, politically correct LOVE has rocked the land owners to sleep and too many have been content to “sharecrop” with the ways of the world.
Hear this for the coming harvest…




Matthew 5:13

“You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people’s feet.


Read this with the thought of a backsliding christian in mind:

Hyponatremia-is decrease in serum sodium(SALT) concentration < 136 mEq/L caused by an excess of water relative to solute. Common causes include diuretic use(REMOVES THE WATER), diarrhea(REMOVES THE WATER), heart failure(DISBELIEF/LACK OF FAITH), liver disease(INABILITY TO CREATE BUILDING BLOCKS AND DETOX THE BLOOD), renal disease(INABILITY TO MAINTAIN HOMEOSTASIS AND ELECTROLYTE BALANCE), and the syndrome of inappropriate ADH secretion (SIADH)-(FLOODING OF THE SYSTEM WITH TOO MUCH WATER/SODIUM IMBALANCE). Clinical manifestations are primarily neurologic (due to an osmotic shift of water into brain cells causing edema)(TOO MUCH WATER/SODIUM IMBALANCE), especially in acute hyponatremia, and include headache, confusion, and stupor; seizures and coma may occur.

Sounds like a life lived without the living water, salt of the Word and the balance of God’s truths in one’s life not only cause disease, but dis-ease.


ISAIAH 30:3‭-‬33 AMP

“Therefore the safety and protection of Pharaoh will be your shame And the refuge in the shadow of Egypt, your humiliation and disgrace. “For his princes are at Zoan And his ambassadors arrive at Hanes [in Egypt]. “All will be ashamed because of a people (the Egyptians) who cannot benefit them, Who are not a help or benefit, but a shame and also a disgrace.” A [mournful, inspired] oracle ( a burden to be carried) concerning the beasts of the Negev (the South): Through a land of trouble and anguish, From where come lioness and lion, viper and [fiery] flying serpent, They carry their riches on the shoulders of young donkeys And their treasures on the humps of camels, To a people (Egyptians) who cannot benefit them. For Egypt’s help is worthless and good for nothing. Therefore, I have called her “Rahab Who Has Been Exterminated.” Now, go, write it on a tablet before them And inscribe it on a scroll, So that it may serve in the time to come As a witness [against them] forevermore. For this is a rebellious people, lying sons, Sons who refuse to listen to The law and instruction of the Lord ; Who say to the seers, “You must not see visions from God”;  And to the prophets, “You must not prophesy to us what is right! Speak to us pleasant things and smooth words, Prophesy [deceitful] illusions [that we will enjoy]. “Get out of the [true] way, turn aside from the path [of God], Stop bothering us with the Holy One of Israel.” Therefore, the Holy One of Israel says this, “Because you have refused and rejected this word [of Mine] And have put your trust in oppression and guile, and have relied on them, Therefore this wickedness [this sin, this injustice, this wrongdoing] will be to you Like a crack [in a wall] about to fall, A bulge in a high wall, Whose collapse comes suddenly in an instant, “Whose collapse is like the smashing of a potter’s jar, Crushed so savagely that there cannot be found among its pieces a potsherd [large enough] To take [coals of] fire from a fireplace, Or to scoop water from a cistern.” For the Lord God , the Holy One of Israel has said this, “In returning [to Me] and rest you shall be saved, In quietness and confident trust is your strength.” But you were not willing, And you said, “No! We will flee on horses!” Therefore you will flee [from your enemies]! And [you said], “We will ride on swift horses!” Therefore those who pursue you shall be swift. A thousand of you will flee at the threat of one man;  You will flee at the threat of five, Until you are left like a flag on the top of a mountain, And like a signal on a hill. Therefore the Lord waits [expectantly] and longs to be gracious to you, And therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you. For the Lord is a God of justice; Blessed (happy, fortunate) are all those who long for Him [since He will never fail them].  O people in Zion, inhabitant in Jerusalem, you will weep no longer. He will most certainly be gracious to you at the sound of your cry for help; when He hears it, He will answer you. Though the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of oppression, yet your Teacher will no longer hide Himself, but your eyes will [constantly] see your Teacher. Your ears will hear a word behind you, “This is the way, walk in it,” whenever you turn to the right or to the left. And you will defile your carved images overlaid with silver, and your cast images plated with gold. You will scatter them like a bloodstained cloth, and will say to them, “Be gone!” Then He will give you rain for the seed with which you sow the ground, and bread [grain] from the produce of the ground, and it will be rich and plentiful. In that day your livestock will graze in large and roomy pastures. Also the oxen and the young donkeys that work the ground will eat salted fodder, which has been winnowed with shovel and pitchfork. On every lofty mountain and on every high hill there will be streams of water on the day of the great slaughter (the day of the Lord ), when the towers fall [and all His enemies are destroyed]. The light of the full moon will be like the light of the sun, and the light of the sun will be seven times brighter, like the light of seven days [concentrated in one], in the day the Lord binds up the fracture of His people and heals the wound He has inflicted [because of their sins]. Now look, the name of the Lord comes from far away, Burning with His anger, and heavy with smoke; His lips are full of indignation, And His tongue is like a consuming fire. His breath is like an overflowing river, Which reaches to the neck, To sift the nations back and forth in a sieve [of disaster], And to put in the jaws of the peoples the bridle which leads to ruin. You will have a song as in the night when a holy feast is kept, And joy of heart as when one marches [in procession] with a flute, To go to the [temple on the] mountain of the Lord , to the Rock of Israel. And the Lord will make His majestic voice heard, And show the descending of His arm [striking] in [His] fierce anger, And in the flame of a devouring fire, In the crashing sound of heavy rain, cloudburst, and hailstones. For at the voice of the Lord the Assyrians will be terrified, When He strikes [them] with the rod. And every blow of the rod of punishment, Which the Lord will lay on them, Will be to the music of Israel’s tambourines and lyres; And in battles, brandishing weapons, He will fight Assyria. For Topheth [in Hinnom] has long been ready; Indeed, it has been prepared for the [Assyrian] king. He has made it deep and wide, A pit of fire with plenty of wood; The breath of the Lord , like a river of brimstone (blazing sulfur), kindles and fans it.



Nikki C. Ellison, 2016

themeltedcrayon 12/2016


Interesting scientific informaiton:  

“Long before scientists understood the role of sodium or chloride in crop production and plant disease management, farmers routinely applied sodium chloride to salt-tolerant crops to boost vigor and yields. Interestingly, a steady flow of studies over the past half century conclude that when sodium chloride is applied in quantities equal to macronutrients, certain crops fare better. These studies validate the opinions of a number of agriculturalists that touted the VALUE of sodium chloride (SALT) in crop management.
The first mention of using NaCl in crop management was a recommendation in the early 1800’s that salt be used as a top-dressing on barley to prevent lodging (a condition that may have been precipitated by a ROOT DISEASE) (Tottingham 1919). In the late 1800’s, a spring dressing of rock salt (NaCl) was considered to be “an excellent thing to apply to asparagus” TO PROMOTE GROWTH AND SUPPRESS WEEDS (Walker 1905) and as later research has shown, to lessen DAMAGE  from Fusarium crown and ROOT ROT (Elmer 1992). If NaCl(SALT) applications were not critical for crop growth, a significant consensus has emerged over the past two centuries that they are certainly beneficial for farming.
Studies of salt application were often done despite the prevailing opinion that NaCl applications were harmful. The fictitious account about the Romans salting Carthage to destroy plant life led to misguided beliefs about the use of salt in agriculture. Studies on salt-sensitive crops like tomatoes and strawberries and roadside salt damage along highways reinforced an attitude that salt had no place in agriculture. In fact, plant physiologists have not identified an ESSENTIAL ROLE for sodium IN plant HEALTH and simply assumed that chloride, known to be essential for PHOTOSYNTHESIS, was so highly available in soils that salt supplements were unnecessary.
This CONFUSION about NaCl use arose from conflicting reports as to its effect on certain crops. The BENEFITS were observed ONLY INTERMITTENTLY or NOT AT ALL. Those studies led to the observation that THE BENEFITS of NaCl (SALT) were most evident when plants WERE UNDER STRESS BY DISEASE or DROUGHT. These observations suggested that NaCl (SALT) FERTILIZATION may IMPROVE DEFENSE MECHANISMS AGAINST STRESS FACTORS and MAY EXPLAIN the LACK OF of RESPONSE WHEN DISEASE or STRESS FACTORS are ABSENT.”     


-W.H. Elmer, Ph.D.,

CAES, http://www.ct.gov











Come and hear, all you who fear God;
    let me tell you what he has done for me.
 I cried out to him with my mouth;
    his praise was on my tongue.
 If I had cherished sin in my heart,
    the Lord would not have listened;
 but God has surely listened
    and has heard my prayer.
 Praise be to God,
    who has not rejected my prayer
  or withheld his love from me!”

Psalm 66:16-20 NIV

“Search me, O God, and know my heart;
    test me and know my anxious thoughts.
Point out anything in me that offends you,
    and lead me along the path of everlasting life.”

Psalm 139:23-24 NLT

My life is a compilation of many testimonies of God’s enduring mercy.  My story, is not about me, but it’s all about Him.  It’s a story of a unique crucible, used for the purification process in the renewing of my mind, the capturing of my heart and conforming me into a surrendered life dependent upon Him.  I’ve endured the scorching heat of many painful circumstances, and as the temperatures intensified throughout my life, rock walls were erected.  In trying to rely on my own strength and my own understanding throughout these afflictions, I was fatally marred by the pestilence of “self”.  Through my self-reliance, my independence and rebellion, what I attempted to carry and take upon myself, only increased the pressure building up behind the cracks forming in my walls.  Until, by the Refiner’s careful eye and the timing of His hammer, I was shattered; and just like His word promises, He proved that even when I had left Him, He had never left me, nor forsaken me.

No, He had always held me in His hands.  In my weakest and most vulnerable moments, I was a complete, melted mess with no strength to stand on my own.  It was in that melted state, with that hard shell shattered, that I was exactly where He needed me to be; to start the work of forging me into the treasure that He had hidden within me.  His faithfulness and unyielding pursuit of me to capture and recapture my heart through the refining process,  and to cleanse my life of the impurities of sin.  Through the trials and through the pain, and even when I’ve failed to trust in His promises and press into His heart, He’s never removed His loving gaze from me.  Instead, He saw it as another opportunity to refine me, remove the dross in my life that distorted the creation that He knew every detail of, even before He had placed me in my mother’s womb;  His creation of whom He had formed in His own image and by His own hand.

This laborious act of love and the tender mercy within the unlimited capacity of the patience in His watchful eyes and steady, skillful hands, was a unique work of artistic craftsmanship to make me holy and set apart; therefore to save me for Himself, and pull me back into a relationship of completely surrendered, dependency on the virtuosity of my Refiner.

This purification process continued through various trials with increasing anguish and pain, placing me back through His refining fire in the ever-increasing temperatures of the furnace of His love, which was a display to His rigorous attention to remove the dross of my misplaced attitudes, affections or dependencies.  Driven by Love to reabsorb the intimacy of the relationship, His hands worked carefully removing the layers of the dross of “self”; each time pausing to gauge His work by looking upon the forged new vessel, until he could start to see His reflection within me.

My pain was for His purpose.  The fiery heat of my trials was never intended to destroy me, but to be added to the testimony of His story; to reveal in and through me, a visible reflection of His love and to demonstrate the lengths that He will go to, to bring each one of His children back into a surrendered relationship with Him.  He relentlessly pursued me, until I surrendered by fully trusting in Him, His plan and His will.  It was through seasoned reflection, that I finally realized that He was forging me into a new vessel; His dwelling place.

This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.  These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.  Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls.”

1 Peter 1:4-9  NIV

Every morning He wakes me up with one thirst; thirsting desperately for more of the Holy Spirit.  So the pursuit continues, as now my heart and my life are in pursuit of knowing the Spirit more, loving the Spirit more and sharing with the Spirit more. I hunger for that consuming Fire that keeps my flesh in submission to the Spirit.  Pursuing God’s will for my life, and hungry for Him to continue to teach me His ways; so that I may know His heart, and share in His burdens. The Refiner teaches and He feeds, so that now I can go and, “count it all joy, that I may share in the sufferings of Christ,” to give and share the testimony and revelation of His glory and grace. I am not perfect, but I am covered by the One who is.  I am sincere in my faith of the finished work, of the blood poured out on that cross on Calvary.  I will never reach sinless perfection in myself this side of eternity, but my sin is covered by the mercy of God.

Jesus is the reason for my hope.  Jesus is the reason for my story.  It’s never about me, but it’s all about the One who has always had me covered.



“Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

Romans 5:1-8 NIV


You too, are an incredible testimony of mercy. A testimony not of you, but of the One who covered you.  No matter where we are in His process of creative expression within us through our willingness to yield to Him, He is still writing His story.

Every story magnifies the heart of God.





Isaiah 43:2 NIV

When you pass through the waters,

    I will be with you;

and when you pass through the rivers,

    they will not sweep over you.

When you walk through the fire,

    you will not be burned;

    the flames will not set you ablaze.”


Nikki C. Ellison


themeltedcrayon, 05/2016