“This present age is so flippant that if a man loves the Savior he is styled a fanatic, and if he hates the powers of evil he is named a bigot.” Charles H. Spurgeon
To the present age and to the world’s ambivalent standards, I guess I’m both.
In today’s atmosphere of an ever-changing, progressive set of “morals” and redefining of our laws, social behaviors, practices and ceremonies with a conjectured obligatory acceptance of them; the chasm of differing interpretations of what is defined as “love” and “hate”, “good and “evil” expands; and those sitting on the bridge in the middle of this breach, are at some point, no longer going to have the luxury of living in ambiguity. As the swell of mounting pressure derived from the corrupt seed planted in the hearts of fallen mankind, approaches climax, you realize you are either going to catch a ride on the wave of “progress”, or you’re going to have the will to get off the broad way, walk the narrow path and lay down the things of “this” world and wear the labels the world wants to give you.
So I’ll wear the labels.
John 15:18-19 “If the world hates you [and it does], know that it has hated Me before it hated you. 19 If you belonged to the world, the world would love [you as] its own and would treat you with affection. But you are not of the world [you no longer belong to it], but I have chosen you out of the world. And because of this the world hates you.
Why not just keep scrolling past all of the social opinions, rants and chatter about the incidental issues planted to keep us divided? Why not just accept that there are issues and opinions that differ with my beliefs and convictions, and just accept that there is a whole world of varied beliefs and lifestyles? Why not just listen to my friends through social media who tell me and everyone who disagrees with them on the hottest social issue debate to “just delete me, if ‘this’ is the way you feel, because we obviously can’t be friends”? Why does my soul anguish in despair as I see people I love, being bullies, being fickle and really not knowing how to communicate with the other side without using one scripture about judging taken out of context, from a “book” they claim they don’t believe in; yet don’t want to consider all the Word in return? Why should I even care about what the opinions on any matter of social debate are anyway, when most of what we’re reading that seems to have any meat to it, has been shared or copy and pasted anyway, and any legitimate questions for civil discussion you may have about the views expressed are mute; due to the fact that your friend that threatens your friendship if you don’t agree with said posting, didn’t write it in the first place? They didn’t spend hours on end considering and researching, praying and soul searching, wrestling and seeking with the conviction and cathartic process that such substance entails; but rather out of a fleeting moment of validation for their emotional boo-boos, and the acceptance of their proverbial status quo; quickly cut, copied, pasted and posted without a second thought of just where that boomerang would fly. Why, in the moments when I read the lies being poured from the bottle of “YOLO” deception held by the hand of the Deceiver himself, do I want to scream their name with fervor from the rooftops? “Hey, come see from this vantage point, the foxes are in your vineyard”, or in a metaphor more comparable to this Information Age…”The hackers are in your Facebook account”.
Because, if I just keep scrolling, then I would have to deny the questions of why I keep feeling discouraged when I look at the church as a whole, and how it has been split, and split again into so many different denominations over religious notions, traditions, interpretations, doctrines, pride, power seeking, and greed; not to mention, the blatant verbal disdain towards your denomination if it is different than someone else’s? That no one really knows, or seeks the Truth for themselves anymore?
Why did I not just give up the moment I started seeking the TRUTH through dependence on the Holy Spirit, and my Bible, when my eyes were opened to the harsh reality that we put our faith in, worship and exalt, just about everything but The God of all creation? How hardly anyone knows, or at least lives by the Word anymore? How, with all of the television preachers who have sold their books at the end of every broadcast, and on every Wal-mart shelf, covering every “biblical” topic and “spirit”, convinced us, that it would be a more easily digestible version than reading the Word ourselves; and how did the religious spirits that those same books teach about, have the church more focused on competing with the world in entertainment, and drawing people in, rather than relying on the flow of the anointing through the Holy Spirit? How did confusion hit the body of Christ in such a way, that our beliefs could be manipulated, like dust being swept about by the oscillating breeze over an ever changing church agenda, and focus? Why was there a vacillating belief on what “authentic” worship looks like, as compared to “inauthentic emotionalism”, as if they can see the hearts of men as they praise in awe and wonder in a moment of true deliverance? Why is it that I’ve heard more sermons preached by men of God who contradict each other so much so, that a bombardment of doubts are piled atop the confusion, caused by the jabs as to which delivery method of the Word is the most effective, and Biblically sound? How can one navigate the expectations of what your “salt and light” should look like, when no one wants you to talk about, or to hear about the salt anymore; and the light burning from the church feels like an artificial bulb? How do you know if your worship playlist is not really full of groups that are constantly being attacked by some “Christian” magazine “about the singers being sold out to secularism”, mixed within arguments on how the church has started to “worship, worship”; just when God used an anointed song in personal worship to redeem your joy? How come works don’t get me to heaven, but if I don’t work the nursery, legalism shows her face, comparing all her works and sacrifices as compared to what she thinks others don’t do? How come she doesn’t just try to get to know me first and she might see that I have served in a capacity larger than she can imagine at the death of hundreds of hospice patients in the “church” outside these four walls and that my soul is thirsty to sit in a pew after working weekends for FAR too many years to count? Why has legalism continued to keep the church, especially women, in bondage and they have not yet grasped ahold of the grace that comes from the finished work on the cross (Romans 8:1-13) so that no man can boast.(Eph.2:9)? How did the church get so focused on creating revival as an “experience” that it has a set date and time, invited in evangelists from out of town, with tons of advertisement to draw crowds, that they miss the opportunity for truly teaching on the regeneration of “new breath” to revive them in the Spirit daily? How do so many of the Christians seem to have knowledge of the Word, but lack the faith of operating in the full Power of the whole Word? Why does it seem that so many are cherry picking scriptures they want to live by, and have decided for themselves what are outdated “letters” claiming “those ideals have died”, as if the Word of God is not living and breathing(John 1:1)? Why not just throw my hands up at the daunting task of realizing that for every doctrine of belief out there for those who search for Truth, there exists a counter doctrine of belief within the name of a group called “Christians” of what should be a united people, the body of Christ? How can we as Christians even begin to choose one biblical truth to defend when the barometer at the churchyard is broken?
How do you in the Spirit of Truth and Love, as so loosely defined by today’s ultra-sensitive society, prepare and plow the ground of men’s hardened hearts to the gospel to plant “good seed”, when the church admonishes any talk of hell, preaching nothing but grace and that we should all walk in love, as if the perverted “love” of today’s society where everyone hashtags #LOVEWINS on every lifestyle, hasn’t infiltrated the church with its expected tolerance not to “offend” anyone in their sin? How do we truly “go and make disciples” when everyone’s love is accepted, except the truth spoken in love of a follower of the Word? How do we even begin discussions when there are so many “christians” who use social hot topics to launch name calling and playground bullying, with methods of verbal attacks that don’t align with a scripture from the Book they just wiped the dust off, to persecute someone else with? How in truth and love do you tell the “body of christ” that if it wants to set the standard, it needs to start living the standard as the example first? How do you nicely inform them that the wolves are already in the pews and pulpits and that the mockers and the scoffers are out on the churchyard throwing stones at your glass house by calling out the paradox of your arguments, of which they point out, are blossoming right out of the weed in your garden calling itself a rose? How do we as one body unite, as the forces of evil that have raped, ravaged and robbed God’s creation in every sense of the word, give the world front row seats to see just how very divided and confused we really are? How do we explain that Truth is Love and Love is not Hate, when the lines are so blurred within our own lives and churches? How do I spread the good news of Love with the Truth, no matter what lie the lord of the fallen world has soothed their flesh with, when so many have been flesh wounded at the church?
How do we really teach those we are evangelizing to that “no weapon formed against me shall prosper” and to “take every thought captive”, when the church doesn’t preach and teach about being armed with the spiritual armor for spiritual warfare against the “principalities, powers and darkness” of Ephesians 6:12-20, and tearing down the strongholds of 2 Corinthians 10:3-6? How do we discuss with them that Satan has hated God so much, that he has deceived God’s creation through attacks and manipulations to hide the TRUTH in every possible way, even through the churches and those who sit within them? How do you keep any audience captive these days, to explain how from the seven days of beautiful creation in Genesis, to the creation of Adam and Eve as ONE flesh with ONE TRIUNE GOD, to the miracle of procreation between man, and woman to multiply the earth with God’s miraculous molecular collision of two strands of DNA becoming ONE flesh yet again, to the attacks on the battlefield of our minds; that Satan’s agenda has always been after, and to kill GOD’s creation? How do we teach this attack on creation and our defense of it, while trying to discuss the correlation of the hot topic social issues when we fear persecution, business loss, job loss, condemnation and alienation from every direction, for just trying to have discussions, live our lives and run our businesses aligned with our faith? How, if we can’t even have civil dialogue with those who refuse to hear us, do we tell an evolutionist or an astronomer, that the sciences he used to try to disprove that God existed are indeed creations of the Creator, and “There is no wisdom, no insight, no plan that can succeed against the Lord” (Proverbs 21:30), or explain to them the mysteries used by God as in 1 Corinthians 1:27-29, “But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him”? How do you persuade them to look once again through the lens of that telescope or microscope, and convince him he’ll see the clues he’s ignored, if he would look into his own heart, and search for Truth through the eyes of faith, and a renewed mind through Christ? How do we convince our son that we still love him, but that we do not support his lifestyle choice, and that we’ll fight on our knees in prayer making our requests known to God for his deliverance from the evil principalities whispering lies to him, about his choice to be slave to his fleshly desires of homosexuality? How do you convince a liberal, agenda pushing, feminist that abortion is not a “right”, and that it’s murder of God’s creation of life, and that they have tread on on the “fields of the (58 million) Fatherless”? How do we show them that Satan will stop at nothing to try and disprove, take away and abort God’s creation?
But, the discussion can’t stop here.
How in this age of Information and Technology do we also address and acknowledge that Satan has waged war against all of us? How do you convince even those who sit idly by, living their ideal life online, sitting on their pretty, white picket fence, holding hands with everybody through tolerance? How do we in the spirit of love through truth, tell Mommy to quit taking selfies with her daughters, teaching them to duck face, and posting those selfies for self esteem boosters on social media everyday? How do we have the discussion that you aren’t being a good steward with the children God gave you when you’ll hand over your phone to keep your kids quiet everywhere you go; meanwhile, that sexual perversion you don’t want your child exposed to through that bathroom policy that you just posted a rant on social media about an hour ago, just molested your child’s mind with pornography on Mommy’s favorite app-Pinterest? How do we have discussions with our teenage sons to respect the modesty of a woman, to abstain from sexual activity, and treasure the gift of virginity, and purity for the marriage bed when pornography is chasing them down everywhere they turn and can be accessed through their Xbox, Playstations, tablets, smartphones, and even Nintendo DSi? How do we encourage our daughters that faith, purity, and virtue are precious pearls, and spiritual holiness is #REALGOALS these days; when Instagram, and SnapChat has become a visual playground of idolatry, feeding into the insecurity of the woman’s fallen nature that her self-worth hinges on how a man sees, rates, flatters, and defines what is worthy; built on distorted vanity, popularity, and fame, and not that God considers her more precious than rubies, and sees the unfading beauty of her spirit? How do we tell Daddy that you can’t live double-minded playing your family role with the wifey, and kids during the week, and then doing your “thang” with the boys at the stripclubs, and bars on the weekends, living like a boy who never grew up? How in a world of Ashley-Madison, Sugar-Daddy, 50 Shades of Grey and our obsession with every form of fantasy, escapism and sexual perversion can we sit around and wonder how is it that our country has the greatest number of women sold into the sex slave industry and Americans are pumping out more than half of the pornography world-wide? How do you post on Facebook a meme of how your childhood consisted of catching fireflies, playing outside until dark and drinking from the water-hose, and yet condemn your kids for being in front of the television all the time, as you push them out of your LaZy-Boy, to plop yourself down to get your “fix” in front of the “OPIATE of the MASSES”, the good ol’ boys of the NFL, MLB, NHL, NBA and the knights of the round table of ESPN on one of the 5 televisions in your home? How do we self-righteously sit in God’s seat of judgement throwing back that legal drug of a 12 pack of beer every weekend night, yet between those Budweisers, condemn our loved one who’s being Chased by the Heroin Dragon? How do we complain about the hate other countries have for us, when all you have to do is drive down the road in rush hour traffic, and the foul language and demonic stares flying out the windows would mow people down like the bullets flying out of an AK-47?
But if I just keep scrolling, and keep my mouth shut about the social-moral issues, the confusion in the church, and the paradox of family values, I also have to ignore so many other burning questions of mine.
How do we encourage our kids to go to college and get a “good education” when we know that the school system has been hijacked with the “Common Core”, pushed by socialists Bill and Melinda Gates for the restructuring of society with their radical political ideology of the 1960’s Weather Underground, who pushed their support of eugenics, and knowing that this is all tied to the propaganda of the “Global Economy” of Agenda 21? How do we continue sending them to (our tax money funded) “public school system”, knowing that they’re being indoctrinated from kindergarten to the University, through this sinister evil planted to gain control through psychological conditioning, just to get them to start life off as a conforming, robotic slave indebted to huge student loans, entering the workforce making barely enough to just pay their bills, and their taxes, with no cost of living raises for more than a decade, be convinced they’re living in freedom of pursuing the “American Dream”, while becoming enslaved to work 50-70 hours a week, and being pushed harder and harder by the slave master of government “regulations” imposed on the companies they work for who now expect more for less(because let’s not cut the CEO’s bonus), all while trying to navigate their lives through a government network of over-regulated systems bought by the money of the global elite in the good ol’ boys gang, of the Federal Reserve, The Rothschilds, Goldman Sachs, JPMorgan Chase, IMF and The World Bank? How do we look our children in the face with any degree of encouragement, knowing that at the end of their 40 years of bondage to greedy banking, greedy government, and greedy corporate America where the rich get richer and the poor are kept poorer; that the only sure thing they can bet on is a myriad of health issues resulting from GMOs, artificial preservatives, unrelenting trickle down job stress and years of attempting to climb a ladder to nowhere; that they’ll be spending any check in retirement on medications that’s keeping them asleep? How can we teach them the value of a dollar and saving when our dollar has lost its value, because of the squandering of their futures by big government, who have placed them and their future generations in debt so deep that they will be forced to live in a cashless society; while you can tell them with 100% assurance that their social security will not ever be there for them in the future, and don’t even trust that the government won’t rob their retirement investments to bail out their buddies at the elite banks who funded their campaigns? How do we still let our government send our young men off to fight wars that are all a manipulation game played on the masses by a Global Agenda for a One World Government, with the illusion we’re fighting over human rights, policing the world against terrorism and preserving freedom; when the power, money and government systems are working together in the United Nations to orchestrate collapses through Hegelian Dialectic of “creating a CRISIS, using the media to ensue a REACTION by a public outcry, that runs to government demanding a SOLUTION”, and while the public is distracted by arguments that do not result in any resolution except increased division, that feeds their original agenda of a one world government, through the repeated cycle of mind control tactics to gain more power through the public’s demanded solutions? How our soldiers who are serving, are being sold a lie that their government will live up to their contract of VA care and GI bills, only to come back confused by having to fight the same government they sacrificed their lives for, to obtain benefits they were promised and that they deserve? How do we continue to run to the “big brother” government and demand retraction of laws prohibiting someone’s right to take a substance(legalized marijuana) into their body, yet forces vaccines on all healthcare workers, children and the elderly? How in these days of “government’s concern over the health of Americans”, is the FDA regulated “Big Pharma” pharmaceutical companies, continuing to overmedicate us through polypharmacology; the USDA regulated and Monsanto monopolized food industry, has inundated us with estradiols, growth hormones and synthetic ingredients with such complex molecular structures, that our bodies can’t even break them down), and that the USDA has also allowed scientists to play “gods” through genetically modifying our foods and seeds altering them in such a way to disfigure and destroy God’s creation of regeneration, all while paying our tax dollars to farmers throughout the country, to NOT farm their land, to purposely create food shortages? How is it knowing all of this, is it that we are a nation full of “medical syndromes” without a “known cause”, and most of them being medicated with antidepressants, mood stabilizers, anticonvulsants and antiepileptics because “it’s in your head, related to stress, yada, yada, yada”? Why isn’t somebody telling us the “truth” about the parallels of government’s hand in fluoridated water, federal school lunch programs, forced vaccines and controlling of all “real food” supply, while we’re continuing to see increases in all the syndromes related to the “created” chemical imbalances of the endocrine and neurotransmitter messengers within the body, or manifestations of autoimmunity? Shouldn’t anyone else be questioning if the government truly had our best interests in mind through contaminated fluoridated water, vaccines being enforced through the public school system and then pushed by the legal “drug dealers” like the newest “heroin for the healthy” in the healthcare system of which they now own, and a slowly growing insatiable appetite for more control of our human rights and bodies? How people who have the eyes to see, and ears to hear, are berated through the bought media, to look like a bunch of prepping, redneck, patriotic, evangelistic constitutionalists to distract, and turn the attention off of the questions of why FEMA and the CDC have hundreds of thousands of disposable coffins on properties all throughout the United States? How do we let them paint the second amendment like something that needs to be repealed, as if gun ownership has propagated as many deaths as our government has through created wars and abortions? How come they always avoid the questions being raised about the same crisis actors seen on the scenes of various mass shootings which are created distractions to test the public’s response to gun control, and plant tragedies in the media to avoid, and distract from answering evidence backed questions surrounding 9/11; and yet again, avoid answering the looming questions being asked by Donald Rumsfeld on 9/10 as he declared war on the “Pentagon bureaucracy” in an investigation to find out what happened to the 2.3 Trillion dollars of unaccounted for monies in military spending by the Department of Defense? If we don’t want to consider that our government would actually conspire to do horrific things like these, then why don’t we just stick our heads back into the sand, and go to sleep as they continue to pass executive orders in the name of Homeland Security that slowly whittle away our human and civil rights?
The questions must then continue if we address all of those, because learning from history we should start looking at the future.
How in this advanced Information Age of technology, instant downloads and uploads, faster than lightening internet speeds, smart phones, smart cars, smart watches, biometrics, teller-less banks and self serve fast-food counters, will we get before we realize that Satan is after our ability to create? How is it that through the technological advances turning up, and over at a breakneck pace, and everything being at our fingertips, the ability to think is being handed over to technological gadgets, instead of technological vocational skills? When do we start to realize we have pushed God out of our lives, because when we need answers, it’s easier to turn to Google? That we have a group of scientists near Geneva, Switzerland who created the world wide web in which we are all entangled and dependent upon, who are now colliding particles at near the speed of light, trying to probe the fundamental structure of the universe and create anti-matter all with the Hindu god of destruction standing right out front? How do we continue to have a conversation with those who reject or rebel against God when the world has tempted them with every ability to think themselves their own god through expected inventions of humanoid robotics, and technological advances towards transhumanism with the ability of telepathy, superhuman abilities, artificial-intelligence, and virtual realities? How we are being pushed into a thought process that “no matter what religion you are, we are all serving the same ‘god’, and going to the ‘same place’”, with this New Age idea which plays into fallen desires of the flesh of “make your own rules, be your own god, and everybody lives in peace”. When, and at what point they wonder, will we “christians” just sit down and finally give up on trying to speak of the TRUE work and LOVE of God?
When and how do we unite as one creation, created by one Holy and Sovereign God, being manipulated by one evil who is maneuvering to put us under one “worldly” rule, offering everything that our flesh desires, and the temptations to what the flesh wants, aren’t being denied?
How do you convince this people of every group that there IS coming a day where this will all fall into place, without being accused of fearmongering by people unprepared to discuss our morality?
How do you get a message of unity rather than division, to a multi-generational culture who have all endured attacks by the enemy of our soul to damage them, to push them into rebellion against God and right onto the road to Hell, while he uses them for his lawlessness?
How do you get on your soapbox about a girl seen stomping on an American flag, when one generation burned them as American soldiers returned from Vietnam to their own country who had rejected them, and instead of rejecting the government who had drafted these young men, forcing them to go fight this war with Russia on the land of another country?
How do we have discussions about race/racism, social class divisions, varied cultures, gun ownership and safety, immigration issues and reform and drug wars funded with no dent in the actual problem, when every one of those issues are being manipulated by the puppet masters who keep the strings pulled to use these same issues, to keep us divided and distracted through Hegelian Dialectic; all the while our money is being hijacked, our country is being sold through the debt we owe to a communist country, we give away our backbone and call it social and religious tolerance, because we have a president who fears to call Radical Islamic Terrorism, Radical Islamic Terrorism?
How do we have a government that continues to spend thousands of dollars on judicial process hearings on our elected public officials, yet they not only get out of serving criminal charges, but get to remain in office? How do I teach my kids the value of a dollar when our money still says in God we trust, yet they can’t say their pledge with God in it anymore, they can’t pray to God at school anymore and those who have rejected God by their own will of rebellion to His Sovereignty, are trying to take God out of everything from television to the church?
How do we continue to allow our globally owned, agenda minded media, push the envelope of forced acceptance of new lifestyles by every person in Hollywood jumping on the bandwagon to use their fame as a platform to defend the sins of a fallen mankind or better yet, the celebrities, who in order to avoid criminal or civil charges due to their rebellious, “god” lifestyle, does a very public conversion to “christianity” all the while their followers continue to idolize them and elevate them as some kind of god instead of the spared lost soul that we all are, using our beliefs twisted in a way to lead them astray without even knowing it?
How do we allow a socialist agenda trying to destroy the definition of family through procreation, and the very vocal LGBTQ(feminist backed) community who couldn’t have their “adoptive” families if it weren’t for a man and woman doing what was designed by our Creator to do; infiltrate our school systems that now forces teachers to teach OUR children at preschool that they can be their own self-god by choosing their own gender regardless of their DNA?
If you’ve ever raised a child other than those fur babies you celebrate motherhood by on mother’s day, you would know that being a responsible parent raising preschool age children comes with very limited, simplified choices like juice or milk with lunch; you can’t give them the choice of something unnatural and biologically determined anyway, like choosing their gender, and furthermore, why would you even want to plant that psychological abuse in their head anyway?
Why are we not outraged as a country?
Have we seriously allowed a SMALL minority to use their loud mouths and their agenda through name calling and taking our scriptures out of context to call us haters and bigots because their reprobate minds do not want to hear the Truth or are we so enveloped in our own sin and self-god, that we have no light to shine upon these topics for fear of the dark secrets of our own lives being revealed?
Why not leave them to their debased minds and their meaningless, name calling labels, in their fight for public acceptance of their sin, using their warped thinking that TRUTH is not LOVE, when in fact TRUTH in LOVE has been washed out of the minds of Americans for more than a generation so much so, that no one recognizes neither TRUTH nor LOVE anymore?
How do we unite when we’re so sedated by the spoon fed indoctrination and fear of losing our friends, our jobs and being labeled, that we can’t even see or discern what is so clearly happening in front of us?
Why not just keep scrolling when the problems seem to mount with greater division and confusion to the masses with no visible end in site?
Why should I continue when the few readers I had, have probably stopped reading at this point, convinced I am self-righteous, confused, unqualified and a fanatical, bigoted psychiatric patient?
Because it’s been clear to me for years and I honestly thought everyone else saw it too, but the more people I talk to, the more I realize they don’t educate themselves outside of mainstream media news, reality television, social media and their “me” life. It appears that no one seems to notice that social issues and hot topic button, heated conversation issues are always planted and used to distract and divide us, and people play right into the hand that bites them every time.
EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
IF YOU’RE SLEEPING, IT’S BEEN TIME TO WAKE UP!!!!
Quit getting distracted by social arguments, blogs, and celebrity and corporate platforms taking a stand against something that is just being planted to create division on issues from race, cultural differences, social class, lifestyle, beliefs, stereotypes, politics, old flags, demolished systems of oppressions from years gone by and the “hottest” trending topics like the new Beyonce album, Prince’s death, the Kardashians and a month long celebration of a monarch’s birthday, while more of your civil and human rights are being signed away, giving more executive power to the government; which usually happens on a Friday afternoon when America is too busy going to that Sport’s Bar to get that drink after the long, hard hours put in of the 50+ hour work week.
How do I convince you that this isn’t just about trying to prove who the Creator is, because I just have to tell you about His blood poured out and the story of how He spared me, and the Holy Spirit does the rest, giving you the will to rebel against or the will to live surrendered to your Creator?
If you’re reading this and feeling convicted about things in your life, don’t think this is about judging anyone because this is as much about me as it is about anyone else. Conviction comes from the Holy Spirit in an effort to get you to turn from your sinful life and it isn’t my place to judge you, but to love you (Mark 12:30-31). God’s Love is perfect and human “love” is VERY flawed, so that is why so many people accuse you of judging when trying to discuss the downfall of humanity from a place of love and compassion for your fellow mankind. Believe it or not, I love you, if you’re living in a life of sexual immorality with fornication, adultery, homosexuality, bisexuality, or are confused about your gender identity, but I LOVE you enough to share with you the TRUTH and LOVE that saved me from my perverted life. If you advocate abortion, had an abortion, funded abortion, performed abortions, considered an abortion or sit on the fence of pro-choice, I love you too, but I also love you enough to share the TRUTH of how LOVE saved me from my double-minded thinking. If you, like I did, realize that our lives are so full of IDOL WORSHIP and your eyes become open to the stranglehold that we have allowed technology to have over our homes and children, and how this “social global agenda” has slowly and methodically used television to reshape our values in the name of “progress”, opening the gateways for a sinister minority with Luciferian ties to steal the future from the children, the remnant generation; I love you too and you know what I love them too. I love you all enough to share the TRUTH of how LOVE, removed my blinders and gave me the eyes to see and the ears to hear.
I use the examples of homosexuality, abortion and technology, not because I am picking on particular groups of people, for we ALL sin and fall short of anything close to perfection on our own, but I use these examples because they revolve around God’s creation. Satan is after GOD’S CREATION. He doesn’t have the ability to create, so he must wage war on God’s creation, convincing them to fall through various manipulations of spirits and temptations of the flesh(self, ego) and then using the fall to mock GOD’S COVENANTS and creations through perverting the truth. Homosexuality kills the ability to proCREATE the earth, abortion kills the CREATION and technology kills the CREATION of ideas and CREATIVITY of the mind. His favorite battleground is your mind. If he can keep you bound by condemning you with your past or even how you’re living presently, through emotional pain or physical abuse, balled up in fear and anxiety, oppressed through generational curses carrying the spirits of poverty, addiction, or perversion and using his newer weapons of keeping you medicated and sedated on pornography, social media, and locked into some form of hypnosis through your eyegates, and brainwashed with repeated trigger words through your ear-gates; then he is killing your ability to create. Everybody wonders why little kids don’t have imaginations anymore…and yet they can’t see that he’s using mass hypnosis through technology to keep them from using their hands and minds to be innovative. He has used an abortion agenda planted on the backs of “women’s rights” to kill 58 million (just in America alone) human creations and then has sold you the lie that it’s not a real life until it is viable outside of the mother’s body, yet that baby has a beating heart before most even know they’re pregnant. He then perverts your mind into accepting this as a “choice and a right” and so you keep your mouth shut, but don’t don’t you ever wonder why those same people who fight so hard for the right to kill babies are the same people who will fight tenaciously over the rights of animals. Does anyone else see the paradox in any of this the way that I do?. He is after creation’s future, can’t you see? He is trying to depopulate the world of God’s creations by planting fear that our Creator can’t provide enough resources to sustain us; using the wickedness planted within the minds and hearts of men to operate his schemes of eugenics through the same Hegelian Dialectic methods that all the arguments on hot topic social issues are run by, thus keeping us distracted, divided and debating. The great tragedy of it all, is the that he sits back laughing at his perverted, satirical comedy, that we bought the idea that we could be self gods, matched against the Almighty and Creator of all things, whose love is so perfect that He created a plan of redemption through His own anguish for every single one of us and He loves us enough that we are given the will to turn from Him and rebel or turn to Him willing to surrender to his perfect will and love. The enemy is after creation. He deceives us by tempting us with everything the flesh desires and creating so much chaos in attempts to drown out the Voice of the One whispering to our soul, and by keeping constant noise in our lives and heads to the point of our own exhaustion. Maybe you’ve already know all of this, but feel completely overwhelmed with the black widow’s web of it all, not knowing how we could even start to turn this around.
So why do I write this? Because It’s easy for those who seek Truth to get disillusioned and forfeit the search altogether if not guided by The Holy Spirit and it’s even easier to jump on the bandwagon of popular belief and conformity than rock the boat, and in the case of someone like me who hates small talk, chit chat and hates confrontation, it’s real easy to crawl into your cave, with your earbuds in, and try to convince yourself that this isn’t your fight.
So, why not just shut my mouth and let the freedom of choice ring?
Why not sit down, shut my mouth and be a good girl?
Why pick the scabs of “necrotic issues” on both sides of the aisle some may ask?
“You’ll just attract flies at this point”, they may point out, whispering under their weighted breath as if keeping a secret; “these issues will never be resolved with those with closed minds”(insert whatever explicative description of those whose opinions differ with yours).
Why keep trying to talk to people about tearing down altars of idolatry when the biggest ones out there are the gods of self and we first have to actually put down our own self righteousness, to even listen to the plea?
Why keep trying to speak the truth from my testimony, when there always seems to be that uncomfortable shifting in a stance, the loss of eye contact and relief in the ease of disengagement, as I slowly just stop speaking, because they’ve already thrown up the nonverbal clues of their disbelief…as if our God still can’t do the supernatural? Or that one friend who is always quick to bring up your past and point out the old life, when Jesus remembers them no more? Or the friend who will try to always put a stumbling block of your old fleshly desires in your way, and convince you that you don’t have to be “that kind of Christian”, possibly because the Light you carry now is illuminating something they’re not ready to deal with in their own lives.
Why not give up in the realization that my words will be called hate, heretical and hypocritical knowing there is always a Pharisee around to call out your “out of context” scriptural reference or attempt to discredit your qualification to speak on the ways of God; as if you are in competition with them in some way, rather than coming alongside of you and offering to study the Word together, pray together and learn together?
Where are the round tables of TRUTH seekers who are weary from the false flags and disillusionments of the entire system and want the whole TRUTH and nothing but the TRUTH? Where are the famished ones who are HUNGRY for The Bread of Life and ready to sit down at the same table together? Where are the ones who’ve been parched for so long, that their THIRST for Living Water, can’t be satiated once you’ve tasted it, and once you’ve started digging your own well? Where are the ones who have also been taught in the wilderness by God raising them up through breakings the chains of oppression of the very things that chased them there? Where are the ones God has hidden in the caves from the enemies, put into places of rest, while the whole world around you thought you were done?
Why write this only to risk losing friends and family, because they might see my love as hate? That they may take my delivery of the burden God has shared with me for their souls as judgement rather than a call to come back; that He is still languished over His separation from His creation?
Because I must.
Because I can’t go another day without being obedient.
Because I’m tired of wrestling and overthinking.
Because I’m surrendered and I know that He will use the very weaknesses Satan kept me bound with to magnify His glory.
Because I am the generation stuck between what one generation taught me to tolerate and another generation who has fully embraced it, while the enemy sits back laughing as he has us divided, distracted and dying. I’m between a generation forced to go to war at 17, and a generation who was birthed into an era of nothing but war; and all the while, the church of my generation preached on prosperity and grace through it all?
Because I walked away from the church building 17 years ago, because I don’t like “playing church” and that’s all I witnessed, while I was looking for Truth. All I had ever been exposed to growing up, was a lot of people “playing church” on Sunday and living like the devil Monday through Saturday. I was surrounded by tradition and doctrine written by men, with very little discipleship and even less self discipline. I remember I would look around the congregation at vacant eyes, unmoved. People on auto pilot showing up on Sundays fulfilling their role written on their resume and upholding their reputation in a small town. While my generation was being disciplined and restrained and being upheld to the law of Old Testament teaching, that they themselves weren’t living the example by; even as a child I could see the blurred lines, and I don’t think I’m the only one that saw it that way.
Because we are taught to be the salt and light of the earth, but the generation of fire igniting, wisdom-bearers and Bible believing intercessors aren’t always on social media. They are an aging generation that has felt the coarseness of the salt in their lives, by living through: The Great Depression as children, where basic needs was the only focus; the World War II era’s social impact on women and family; the Post War era of The Golden Age of Capitalism, where the 1950s baby boom and Rock N Roll were birthed from years of prosperity; to witness the explosion of the Information Age of today, rise out of the inventions of radio transistors, the black and white television and the 8 track cassette tape. We have a dying generation of wisdom bearers who have witnessed what is lost through forced progression that affects personal belief systems, who might actually shine light upon some much needed sources of Truth and guidance. Because, they are after all, the generation who has endured the most dramatic and radical changes we call “progress”.
So why bother?
Because I’m called to follow Him. Because I’m instructed to go and tell people the good news. Because no one came looking for me when I walked out of that church building, and I had no one who corrected my worldly beliefs by teaching me the Truth, leaving me with a misconception that I was a failure in my futile attempts to try and live like Jesus, instead of surrendering my life to allow Jesus to live through me. Because no one outside of me reaching out for Truth myself, shared that Jesus with me. Because I didn’t know that faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God(Romans 10:17); so that I might know that despite what my eyes may see and ears may hear, that I would know hope because the Word says in Hebrews 6:19-20 “We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain where our forerunner, Jesus has entered on our behalf.” Because there is so much confusion out there and the only Truth is found in HIS HOLY WORD of the Bible with guidance of the Holy Spirit. Because it took me leaving that church building to get my eyes off of legalism and examples of fallen man for God to raise me up in the wilderness of life experience and prayers coming off my lips through the very real need of Him in the “ministry” of nursing while serving Veterans, indigents, elderly, addicted, prisoners, child molesters, chronically ill and for the last 7 years the terminally dying and their families. Because it was through all of the enemies attacks on my family and attempting to keep our faith and hearts intact through it all, that the Refiner was refining me, because “greater was He that was in me, than he that was in the world.”
Because that’s what Love does. Love speaks the truth. Sometimes the truth hurts. It’s a bitter drink of water and none of us like the taste. Some will accuse you of not speaking the truth in love, or of being judgemental, or of being self-righteous; but I’ll wear those labels too. Because I was given mercy in spite of myself, because the TRUTH set me free. Truly FREE. LOVE rescued me with TRUTH. Because we are in an age where I would rather wear the labels of men, than to carry the burden of disobedience to my Savior if I didn’t tell you of our shared inheritance.
Because we are living in the dark, being fed a lie that we are entering into an age of enlightenment. We are living in a world where the Hollywood culture is now trying to make our belief system look “cool” and hip and intermarry it with new age beliefs and unless we have the Word of God deeply rooted within us and our children, we may be fooled by wolves. We are in a world where there is an enemy who wants to shut us up if we speak God’s truth or confuse us if we try to listen to it. He has planted so much confusion in this world that we cannot find our way without complete dependence on the Holy Spirit. Believe me, sometimes it’s minute by minute.
We live in a world where the number of likes and comments you get on a Facebook status gets you promoted, so you see more people copy and pasting Jesus chain letters than actually taking the time to read a post with a Word from a Pastor on their friends list.
We live in a world where everyone is sedated by the images entering through our eye gates. Satan is planting thousands of images per day into the battlefield of your mind. And because we’re in the age of Instagram and SnapChat, I probably should have made this a video with postcards and music if I really wanted this to be read. We live in a world where we get 12 likes on a post we shared about a sin we’ve been delivered from or worshiping Jesus, yet will exceed 100 on a selfie.
We live in a world where everybody wants to be their own god, create their own rules and believe that in the end, if they lived a good life (according to WHOSE STANDARDS TODAY?) that they’ll go to heaven.
Oh wait, they’ll probably develop an app for that!!!!
Because we live in a world where we are content that 20 years ago at an altar where we recited a sinner’s prayer after a 30 minute sermon that we are “once saved, always saved”. Then we were left with no guidance or discipleship, but instead, placed on committees and nursery duty.
As a nurse I’m looking at it like, “Hey! I just got saved here, I was terminal!!! Um, shouldn’t we move from ER Trauma 1 to the ICU before you put me to work in the hospital? I’m severely dehydrated, just tasting the Living Water. I’m still on fluids and crutches!!!”
So we go on living our lives, trying our best and some of us get it and some of us get knocked down with trials and testing and before long, slowly start picking our sins back up over the years, holding hands with the devil, sitting on the fence, and not even knowing it really; except now we are walking through the world professing to be Christian, but usually only on Christmas or Easter or when some social issue created to divide us all, like black lives matter, rebel flag fights, transgender bathroom laws or gay marriage issues arise. Then we get on our high horse, like the SELF god we are, and go to social media and start spewing all kinds of hate, ignorance and condemnation. Meanwhile, that log in our eye from that post we shared yesterday from that site B*tch$ with A$$ promoting half naked girls on it, sits right beneath our self-righteous rant.
The intention of this is not to hurt anyone, and I’m not looking for an argument here, believe me. That is why I’ve wrestled with this for too long now(so much so, I had to repent for being slow in obedience). I’ve always taken the role as the peacemaker or mediator. The advocate for the broken. I’ve never enjoyed confrontation, it’s always given me tremendous anxiety. I can remember my first panic attack at four years old, so through the course of my life to avoid confrontation, I became agreeable with everybody. EVERYBODY. In doing so, I started pushing my convictions farther and farther away rather than speaking up for my beliefs. I find those friends of mine who are more progressive, are more confrontational and dominating on certain issues, so speaking their beliefs comes with greater ease. I was raised to let my light and love shine and that’s what I’ve tried to do, hoping that would somehow influence them rather than arguing topics with them. Just trying to love everybody right where they were and expecting that somehow, they would just “see it through my love”. I wouldn’t doubt that God used my gifts of compassion and mercy to touch those He needed to reach. But the truth is, I was holding hands with the world, by forfeiting the voice of my convictions.
I spoke that sinner’s prayer at an altar at 12 and again at 20, and through the years convinced myself that I was going to heaven, because compared to other people I was a “good person”. Yep, that’s the ugly truth. You don’t really realize you’re creating your own measuring stick by which you measure good and evil, heaven, and hell, God or Satan, but unless you are surrendered, to the One who is the Word, who became the Word in flesh, and are living your life allowing that Word to abide in you, the devil’s lying to you. That’s the truth. No matter what you’re argument is. Jesus IS who He says He is. No matter what anyone else has to say about who He is. He is the way, the Truth and the Life.(John 14:6)
There has to be some standard of measurement as to which everything else is upheld to. In a diverse society, who chooses the definition of TRUTH? In a progressive atmosphere where everything that shines light on the sins of man is deemed “outdated” and society runs to government to change the rules to be all inclusive every time their sin is exposed, I must then ask the following question: In the journey to separate church, and state, have we ended up making the state our church? Does the government now set our standard of uprightness, and truth? Judging by the economy, corruption and loss of confidence by the people, I wouldn’t bet on them. People don’t want the influence of the Word of God in Government, Law, Education, or Healthcare, but you teeter on the other extreme of giving the Government so much power, they essentially become another altar, another god. So who holds the measuring stick of comparison of what is right and wrong, good and evil, where the line gets drawn? What is TRUTH? Where do the truths you live by originate? Where do we derive our truths?
The Spirit of Truth is a steward, given to us to guide our lives by. (Confirm with John 16:13-14)
The Word of God is a standard to which He builds His people. (Confirm with 2 Timothy 3:16-17)
Truth- is God’s love.( 1 John 4:8)
Truth- is God’s warnings of judgement.(John 5:21-32)
Truth- sets the description of sin.(Galatians 5:16-26; Romans 7:7-25))
Truth- reveals sin.(Hebrews 4:12; Ecclesiastes 12:14)
Truth- calls for repentance.(John 14:15)
Truth- promises deliverance.(Exodus 6:6)
Truth- gives rest.(Matthew 11:28-30)
Truth- restores.(Isaiah 1:18, 2 Corinthians 5:17, Psalm 51:1-19)
The TRUTH is, LOVE doesn’t always come in the heart shaped boxes the world wants them wrapped in. The box that makes us feel comfortable in our sins and doesn’t hurt our feelings or disagree with us.
The truth is, love will gently call your name.(1 Kings 19:12)
The truth is, love will reach out tenderly and try to wrap its arms around you.(Psalm 18:16)
The truth is, love is unyielding and self sacrificing; willing to fight for you.(Song of Sol. 8:6; John 15:13)
The truth is, love is climbing to any height to scream your name over the crowd.(Proverbs 9:3)
The truth is, love is chasing after you in the streets, desperate to have you listen.(Proverbs 1:20-23)
The truth is, love will sometimes not look like what we think love should look like at all.(John 18:37; Eph. 4:15)
The truth is, love will come in sounding like the roar of a lion. (Amos 3:8;Joel 3:16;Hosea 5:1-15)
Today’s atmosphere is full of dissensions, deceptions, demands, disguises, distractions, desires, drunkenness, demeaning labels, disobedience, depression, delusions, drugs, despair, demons of division and death.
Souls are dead. And no one seems to notice that they are walking around the graveyard arguing over the division of the world’s definition of love, marriage, gender, and what god of reality television is popular this week, all the while holding hands with a society where we have the greatest access to TRUTH, and the WORD of GOD, yet idolatry is rampant, immorality is widespread and our political system is corrupt. Pornography is on Pinterest, the Media is a Mockery, Lies are Lackadaisical, but wait……LET ME TAKE A SELFIE!
THE LION HAS ROARED. It is God who holds the PLUMB LINE of our moral standards, attitudes, and purposes; and this standard of measurement has never wavered, because the steady hand of God holds that plumb line. It is vertical and upright and it does not move.
THE LION HAS ROARED. Get your hands on a Bible and start digging your well. Get on your knees and start digging. Your thirst for TRUTH will be quenched with the only thing that can quench it.
If I shared my whole testimony, I would be like one of those characters in a book whom you are constantly weighing my character traits in the balance of my role. At times you would be thinking I am the protagonist and you’d be cheering me on, but then again, there would be times you would look at me in confusion, at my actions and declare she’s the antagonist!?!? Life can be deceptive like that. The truth is my story and the story of all of mankind only has one protagonist, and we aren’t it. No, we are the antagonist, despite our best of intentions, despite our works, despite our loyalty, despite the oppression and abuse that we didn’t ask for. We still remain victims to our fallen nature. Satan will try to convince you otherwise, that is nothing new. Same lie he’s been selling since Eden. He is constantly trying to get us to prove to ourselves or the world something that isn’t true. That we can be our own god. He will use intellectualism, material possessions, career positions, objects of vanity, family name, fame, friends and associations, social media acceptance, personality traits, and even our religion as a measuring stick of our success in how well we are doing in this thing called life.
He keeps us distracted, disillusioned and constantly entertained so that we don’t hear the whisper of our name, feel the gentle nudge, know the love that fights for us, hear the one that calls our name from any height, see the one that runs in the town square searching for us, and thus, we continue to ignore our own convictions, because we don’t even recognize LOVE anymore. Because… we don’t even recognize GOD anymore. We call good evil, and evil good. We call Truth and Love, Hate and Bigot; or Fanatic, or Conspiracy Theorist, or Homegrown Hate Group.
My testimony is like anyone else’s really, because it isn’t about me, it’s about HIM. I was disillusioned. I was trying to pacify in my mind and heart that people I knew and loved couldn’t be sinners. Despite anyone’s opinion of their career, lifestyle, their hair color, their appearance, their past, what they did on the weekend, social status, in the end, they were “good people”. I was deceived, because my sinful life didn’t want to be exposed from the dark, so I reconciled my soul with everything of the world, even if it wasn’t my thing. Somewhere along the way, when I put myself on the throne of my own heart and started deciding for myself what was “right” and what was “wrong”, instead of using the measuring standard of the Word of God, I ended up questioning everything. I was wondering if everything that I was taught that was good was evil, and what was evil was good. I started agreeing with the popular belief that the mind and heart of people is what mattered and acceptance of progressive lifestyles and changes in society as a whole was just “evolving”. Coexist right? Satan plants so many lies and because I was not equipped with enough of the Word of God, I was easily deceived.
I was in a place of numbness in my life. I was numb with the disillusionment of the world. Everything I thought I had believed in was false. The judicial system was broken and I had witnessed two of my children endure the backlash of a system that didn’t give them a voice, seen countless television preachers preach prosperity while swindling money from people with emotion filled motivational speeches, the school system was immensely broken leaving parents and teachers alike, feeling helpless to teach children and corporate banking had robbed the hard-working, blue collared families of this country of their futures. I had poured my heart and soul into my career as a hospice nurse only to realize it was just another system that was corrupted by our government and insurance companies; where greed and policy come before life and love. My venture into the world of cosmetology revealed a world of favoritism, false flattery, inflation of self, inflation of false superstar statuses, jealousy, envy and vanity. My servant’s heart was numb and lost. I started hating who God had made me to be and the gifts He had given me. I tried everything I could to transform into someone else. I tried to learn how to be selfish and portray an invisible porcupine shield. The careers I had, no longer wanted the gifts of compassion, mercy and love for the people we served, and I was so jaded that those same careers had stolen and drained me of those same things to bring home 100% of myself for my family. The world was so backwards and life was so out of order.
And that’s when the LION ROARED. Oh how I praise God for a LOVE like that. I thank GOD, I was spared. Spared of my judgment and wrath because of the mercy and grace extended to me through the atoning blood of Jesus, the son of the One True God. My testimony isn’t about an angry God. No it’s about a God who went to great lengths because of His immense LOVE for me.
When the LION ROARED is when I walked away from the disillusionment.
For the first time in my life, I was at a standstill. No plan. No goals. No hopes. No dreams. No job. I wasn’t in a church. I wasn’t at an altar call at some evangelistic conference. I wasn’t talking to a Christian friend. I wasn’t reading the Word of God. I wasn’t listening to praise and worship music. I wasn’t even feeling judged by the world, because I was of the world.
No, I was just finally in a place of quiet. I was in a place of numbness. I had a void in my life that was growing larger day by day and the pressure of vacuum within that void was drawing me into a full abandon, but there was no resistance on my part because I knew in my soul that I had to give up. Completely alone at home, no entertainment turned on, nothing to distract me or sedate me from me; when I heard that gentle knock, felt the nudge and heard the one calling my name. Now whispering again in that still, small voice, The Holy Spirit, The Comforter beckoning me to come, and it was the magnificence in the Holiness of His Love and Truth for me, that I realized how desperately I had needed Him, and how much I had tried to run from Him. I had my excuses. I had my hurts. I had my attitudes about “hypocrites”. I had my “church hurt”. I had been hurt by the world. I carried those things far too long. Those strongholds are heavy. The truth is, I had put my faith in the world. I had put my faith in man. I had put my faith in myself and in my own wisdom and strength, but my walls had been breached and torn down a long time ago. The enemy had plundered about my mind and my heart, oppressing me with doubts and lies, stealing time that wasn’t his and trying to pervert and destroy gifts that He didn’t give or create, and at this point in my life, there was no one to blame, but me. In my rebellion, through my rejections from hurt, and in my quest for independence, I had granted him access by believing those slick, false promises perverted close enough to look good, but mock God. No, there isn’t any system to blame; not my stolen innocence, no victimization from injustice done to my family or disadvantages from not having access to what other people had that could PARDON me for why I FELL, FAILED, QUIT or FORFEITED. No there aren’t paychecks big enough, material things worth enough, letters of recognition, acronyms behind my name, accolades received or even the thankful tears of a family saying goodbye to their dying loved one that QUALIFIED me for ACCEPTANCE, REDEMPTION, FORGIVENESS, or HEAVEN.
I couldn’t do any of it another day. I finally stopped running in rebellion trying to get myself “clean” first and gave up my will to Him in complete surrender, because I’d tested every theory out there and the whole world was a lie. The whole world was an illusion. The whole world was the matrix and I wanted out. The whole world was my grave and I wanted to live. I was thirsty for Living Water. I needed the void of separation from my Creator filled. I was a prodigal coming home, I didn’t care what condition I was in, I knew nothing compared to my Father’s LOVE.
Looking into that mirror and seeing for myself all those times I was still so lost and of this world, realizing that I really had not been following Him at all, and I had prostituted my soul to the world in exchange for SELF. Momentary self, with a ravenous appetite, constantly needing more and more to be fed:
Self-validation, self- expression, self-esteem, self-righteousness, self-control, self-acceptance, self-knowledge, self-perception, self-confessed, self-awareness, self-reliant, etc…. and that was just the start of one altar of a false god. I could write a book on the altar of other false gods we exalt and that’s just one broken commandment.
Jesus met me at my need that day. He came to me in a place where I would hear Him. He had been pursuing me all along. I was the woman at His feet crying tears with a contrite heart for it was all I had to offer; I had prostituted everything else to the world. I had agreed with, chased down, tasted and drank from the cup of everything the world had to offer; I tried serving others and giving up myself in every attempt to find a way to be a “good” person trying to earn my way to heaven, yet still holding hands with the devil by buying his lies and not even knowing. The bitter TRUTH of LOVE we don’t like to swallow about ourselves is that MIRROR OF TRUTH we have to look into. When we have to look upon the reality of our TRUTH, accept our need of giving up control of our lives to our Savior through faith, while having to recognize all the choices and hurts that led us there, the fears we have run from, and absolutely turn from that life; that is what SURRENDER looks like, that is not judgement.
It was an ugly 4 hours. I looked upon the reflection of my spiritual self. In that mirror, that reflection staring back at me was not what the world sees, for the world is just filled with illusions to our flesh created by the deceiver. No, looking into that mirror, there was no denying what I was. I was spiritual leper. I had been blind, and unable to see the hypocrisy of my life and trying to carry that cross myself. Taking on burdens that I didn’t need to carry. Smoking my cigarettes out on a smoke break and talking about Jesus as I blew smoke right out of my mouth, because of course, “I didn’t put my faith in a cigarette taking my life, I knew my Savior would take me when He called me home”, tempting Him and not even knowing it. My ears were opened to the internal thoughts that I had become deaf to; the small everyday thoughts of everyday living, and even then, I had been the one judging everybody as a means of measurement of validation of myself. Ha! What a joke! Even my thoughts of something as simple about the driver in front of me who wouldn’t let the lady out in the parking lot go in front of her as being rude, so because I let her out, I was a “good person”. We all have that line we draw in the sand to validate ourselves. The truth is I had no power or authority to validate myself, because only Jesus could do that and through my surrender of my will, I had to dethrone myself from my seat of judgement that day.
LOOKING into that MIRROR of TRUTH was hard. The choices I had made over my life were difficult to face; the hurts and oppressions that had occurred to me in my life were painful to experience again and having to admit how they had held me in bondages of pain for so many years and never knowing how to let them go. I wasn’t just a BROKEN vessel, I was SHATTERED and didn’t even know it. I had kept myself so busy trying to be everything to everybody else, taking care of everybody else, that I didn’t have the time to hear that “small voice” calling my name and there are times, I admit that I pushed Him away, not ready to deal with the festering pain underneath those well bandaged wounds.
One of the main problems for me was and has always been, is that I haven’t really ever cared too much what other’s opinions of me were. In fact, I’m the one who will call myself out on all my flaws and wrong choices and make a comedy of them to show that I am not perfect, before anyone else has a chance to diminish me or anyone in my presence, because I wasn’t afraid to admit my sins and it was a way that I always defended or shielded people growing up. I was comfortable confessing my sins, because I knew who judged my heart, and I have always felt like I was transparent anyway, so may as well tell on myself.
So I guess you could say that I had never really cared about whether people accepted my testimony or not, accepted my Jesus or not, because I knew the intentions of my heart towards people and I have always loved people, been forgiving of people and showed mercy. Not as much to myself, but to others, yes.
But God showed me a different perspective that day; I may not care about what people thought about me or my testimony, but did I ever consider
“What if your life is diminishing MY testimony?”
Yikes! Big Gulp!! Choke on more sobs! Devastation as floods of memories of people who may have been watching my life from afar and their opinions of who Jesus was and what He came to do was changed because I wasn’t being a good steward of my label “christian”.
I had never looked at myself in that context. I guess I never got beyond the dirty, filthy part of my sin. That label of being a sinner, I wore it well. I played that role well. That even though I had went down to that altar and admitted with full earnest faith and devotion that I was a sinner, I had never really left that altar walking away knowing or growing as a redeemed daughter of a King who had provided me with different garments that day. I never knew what I was supposed to do from that point on and so I did what I did best, I played the role I knew. I called myself out and used my shortcomings as a way to identify with hurting people and tried to show them my compassion, my pain and my mercy.
The Holy Spirit delivered me from cigarettes that day, even though I wasn’t asking for that addiction to be taken away, because from that day forward, I “would not speak His name or of His love with the same mouth that I placed upon a lie, and I would no longer replace the breath of God within me by inhaling the poison of the enemy”.
The mirror of my reality was grim. The TRUTH hurts.
When I really looked into that mirror and I saw myself the way that Jesus saw me, while I was still a sinner, and yet He still died for me…it humbles you. It shakes you to the core. It makes you physically sick.
Through sobbing, snot, screams, a bloody nose, groaning, moaning and coughing; I repented for all that I had done to Jesus that day.
Even though He had willingly laid His life down for me that day, I was the one gambling at His feet. I was the one who spit on Him. I was the one who pierced His side. I drove those tent pegs into His hands. I called Him names and mocked Him. I denied Him. I betrayed Him. He took my sin upon Himself and took my wrath and judgement. He felt the anguish of complete and utter separation from the Father on my behalf, so that I could enter into enter His courts as a Daughter of the King.
I deserved the wrath of true Holy judgement that day. I deserved the void I sought to constantly fill with the things of this false world with fleshly desires. I deserved the unsatiated darkness of separation from my Creator and nothing less, but Jesus doesn’t leave us in that condition we find ourselves staring at in front of that mirror. Because He doesn’t leave us where He finds us. He delivers us, liberating us from our bondage to sin and the ways and thought processes of this world. That mirror makes you look at everything you think, do and own with new eyes because He shows you, who HE says you are through HIs eyes.
His LOVE will shed the filthy layers of the world’s garments off of you and will cloak you in HIs garments of salvation and robes of righteousness. His TRUTH will sanctify you, set you free and guide you.
That LOVE brought me prostrate at His feet.
That TRUTH that my life without God reflected.
That LOVE that had remained even after I ignored the gentle tugs at my heart.
That TRUTH that no matter how hardened the world was making me, there was one fighting still, to save me.
That LOVE that screamed my name as I was running towards the cliff.
That TRUTH that stuck beside me closer than a brother through the dark valley.
That LOVE that I didn’t recognize as LOVE anymore, because I was trying to carry something that LOVE had already carried for me.
That TRUTH LOVED me enough, and that LOVE wanted me enough, to show me TRUTH.
That LOVE ROARED my name with THE VOICE OF TRUTH.
So, as Mr. Charles H. Spurgeon so precisely stated in the beginning with:
“This present age is so flippant that if a man loves the Savior he is styled a fanatic, and if he hates the powers of evil he is named a bigot.”
I must in the spirit of TRUTH, say that the truth is, those labels we so carelessly hurl at each other, we wear ourselves. We all at some point try to sit upon a throne that isn’t ours; we scoff, mock, criticize, judge, betray, rebuke, “throw shade” and slander someone else, even if it’s just on the false measuring stick in our mind and it never slips off of our tongue. We look at someone who’s on a different part of their journey, and because we operate in a world where we see time linearly and progress as forward focused; A to Z, 1 to 100, past to present to future, young to old, good to better to best, janitor to junior executive to corner office all the way up the ladder to CEO…..we measure ourselves against standards of illusions of our best understanding of time, good and evil, better and best, right and wrong with imaginations and definitions derived by intellectualism and create our measuring stick; but the Omnipresence of God, is Sovereign. No two men would dare be given the same journey, for man would then try to create a formula in yet one more attempt to be his own god and try to perfect that which they do not know, and tear down, that which is placed to build him up. Therefore, God in HIs Omniscience and Omnipotence sees us and all of His creation in a realm that we can never even come close to even imagine, intellectualize, dissect, recreate, describe, write, preach, paint or sing about. So why the journey then? Because Love gives you a will and as hard as that Truth is to swallow, God Loves us that much. So why do we throw slurs at each other? Because of fear? Do we fear those whose beliefs don’t align with where we are in our journey are making this world “Go to hell in a handbasket”? Does our fear create a false assurance that those slurs we let slide so easily off of our tongues put an armor around us so that we don’t become like those faggots, christians, bigots, goody-two shoes, haters, blacks, mexicans, crackers, muslims, druggies, drunkards, prudes, Holy Rollers, rednecks, city slickers, yankees, trannies, cheerleaders, liberals, muscle heads, drama kids, band geeks, nerds, white trash, whores, prostitutes, cheaters, liars, thieves, politicians, radicals, fanatics, our small town snobs,….our parents…our friends…ourselves?
The hardest part of looking into that mirror of our Truth is that we are scared that we have no control. That we have to surrender complete control of our lives through the act of faith and quite frankly some people aren’t willing to go through the process of refinement to wait it out and see how the process is working for them something that is a small piece in the bigger picture.
…..And those labels that I said that I would so gladly wear in the beginning? Those labels don’t oppress me, offend me or hurt me, because the TRUTH is: we are saved because God LOVED us so much that He sent His Son to take our place of judgement; and because LOVE is: Jesus willingly laid down His life upon MY cross, took MY pain and bore MY wrath upon and within Himself and said, “it’s okay, I’ll wear the labels”.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18 Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory,while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.
Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.
2 Corinthians 5:7 For we walk by faith, and not by sight.
Romans 8:18 I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.
Nikki C. Ellison